overeducated slacker

If schadenfreude was fattening

2009-05-31T23:31:00.001-05:00

then this article would be a bacon-stuffed pork chop coated with potato chips and deep fried. We'll see if the whole mess gets covered in gravy tomorrow night.

Scene: Miami, Florida, athletic offices at Florida International University

2009-04-15T20:46:00.003-05:00

Thomas: Wow, it's great to be back in the business. Let's get this show on the road!
Random FIU HR rep: Welcome aboard, Mr. Thomas. We've started most of your paperwork already, just a few more minor details to tend to. Here, this is a standard university sexual harassment test just to... (looks around), just kind of a CYA thing new hires have to do. Just get 70% right, and we can get on with things.

(Four hours and ten attempts later)

Head of FIU HR: NO, you STILL can't refer to female employees as "BITCH"
Thomas: Well, of course YOU can't, Poindexter McWhitebread. It's not an insult when I say it
Head of FIU HR: It's still an insult no matter who says it. And you filled in the blank on this question with the word "sunt"...what does that even mean?
(Random HR rep leans over and whispers in his bosses ear, who then turns pale and inconspicuously logs in to Monster.com on mobile phone)
Thomas: So when do I start? Can I meet that Ned fella? A proud Normandy vet like that should have a higher profile around here. And where's Schnellenberger's office?
Random HR rep: (sigh). That was a Farked picture from a regrettable incident. And coach Schnellenberger is at Florida Atlantic.
Thomas: Whoa, if I can't refer to bitches as bitches, why does he get to throw the F word out like that.
(University Attorney and Athletic Director enter the room. Thick file containing papers about prior lawsuits falls out of breifcase onto table)
University Attorney: Oh, crap. (scrambles for papers)...Uh, hey guys. Just got your message. What's up?
Athletic Director: We think any concerns about "character" are purely...(notes contents of files for first time) When exactly did this happen...well, I'm sure that, when explained fully...over time...I just (cough).
Head of FIU HR: I'm outta here. You deal with this blatant publicity stunt on your own.
Thomas: Yeah, there you go, you'll be throwing that word out there like Coach Knight used to in no time.
Athletic Director: Well, Mr. Thomas, apparently there's no way in hell we can actually pay you to coach...this year. So we've come up with another idea. Oh, and there's a Chris Mc..something-or-other from ESPN lined up for an interview already. Make us proud, coach!

Inexcusable

2009-02-02T18:45:00.002-06:00

I can't believe we lost to this jackass. At home. Inexcusable. And this was sent to the students before the game:

I know this is HUGE game, especially in light of events of the past month and a half regarding Ole Miss's Coach Kennedy. I know many of you who will be attending the game have elaborate signs planned for Coach Kennedy and possibly even his family. The SEC has requested that no signs defaming Coach Kennedy or his family be allowed. The MSU athletic department will support the SEC's request.
... Let Saturday show that class. No one is saying not to bring signs or get crazy. That is what the HUMP is all about, but leave the Kennedy's out of it.

The arrests and lawsuits are public record, you couldn't possibly MAKE anything up that could be worse. What a bunch of sniveling wimps. Classiest losers in the league.

R.I.P. Super Bowl Ads

2009-02-02T12:23:00.003-06:00

(1984-2009. Survivors include viral online ads, appeal of Mad Men.) It appears that the once fertile ground of creative, expensive, entertaining Super Bowl ads is a thing of the past. I remember back in High School, Channel 1 previewed the ads for us lucky kids. Turns out it was just Pepsi trying way too hard to convince us they were cool (some things never change). You wouldn't think Americans would need snappy reminders to buy as much watery domestic pilsner as they can stomach, but ad history says otherwise. You know things are bad when the star of the evening is a spot for a scammy gold-exchange service whose normal ads pollute my DirecTV with a production value somewhere between "standard infomercial" and "public access". I also enjoyed the slapped Koala, and I'm not entirely sure why, even though all that ad did was start up a conversation on how horrible job search sites are for actually finding jobs. Hopefully this will mean no more instances of being shushed during the commercials (yes, this actually happened at a party once. Emphasis on once).

My Haloween Adventures

2008-11-03T23:52:00.002-06:00

So, instead of waiting around for my neighborhoods inexplicable non-existent trick-or-treaters (except for the kids from across the street), I headed down to Nashvegas for what was surely to be an epic concert featuring two indie rock (I suppose) heavyweights. Observe, and be amazed!

But what do I find once I get there, but a half-empty Ryman Auditorium and a crowd that asks "so who you here for" and looks at you like you're crazy when you answer "well, both are awesome, and I'd pay to see either band, really, but I've seen Drive-By Truckers play when I was in college, so I guess The Hold Steady." Fortunately, the sparse crowd didn't seem to affect either band from kicking ass. And The Hold Steady was in the holiday spirit.

(thank you Flickr and people with better seats than me, I'll never bother taking a camera to a concert ever again!)
So basically, I'm left thinking: what the hell, "Music City"?

My day just got a hell of a lot more interesting.

2008-10-22T13:48:00.003-05:00

This morning, a jammed printer was the worst part of my day. No more.
Shots Reportedly Fired on WKU's Campus
this sounds way scarier:
Report: armed men on WKU campus
Basically I'm locked in my building, waiting for the all-clear. But there are still people walking around outside and cars driving down the street like any other day. Which is weird considering now every school in town is locked down, too.
3 pm. update. It's all over.
Hello, CNN! Shots Reportedly Fired On WKU Campus.
Man injured in fight after report of shots fired.
Well, back to work.

GFP! FTW!

2008-10-08T21:30:00.002-05:00

Chemistry Nobel Prize Awarded for Glowing Protein Work
here's another cool rundown on some things you can do with GFP.
Of course, I just use it to make E. coli cells that glow on a petri dish for a cool visual aide in class.

R.I.P. SEC Speed

2008-09-14T11:23:00.004-05:00

This site is sad to report the sudden and untimely passing of the beloved go-to internet phrase "SEC Speed!" (aka 'esss eee ceee speed!' or some other variant thereof). The speed died of neglect during last night's Mississippi State-Auburn football game, and out of respect to the sensitive nature of those who witnessed it and are still coping with the aftermath, the final score will not be posted here. SEC Speed will be buried at the 50 yard line at Scott Field in Starkville, next to the first bulldog mascot. As always, your continued prayers are appreciated.

(pic from The Wiz)

Stay in school kids?

2008-09-11T10:53:00.002-05:00

Or: I'm in the wrong business. Again.

Workers in every other educational group -- including Ph.D.s as well as high school dropouts -- earned less in 2007 than they did in 2000,

From the Washington Post
So this either means that there are less jobs for people with "advanced" (MS and PhD) degrees, or there are more people with advanced degrees now in lower-paying jobs (like those stereotyped history major-barrista types).

Everyone still here?

2008-09-10T14:08:00.002-05:00

Not sucked into a black hole? Or transported into another dimension (all that playing Halo and Half-Life has primed me for such an event)? Well then, carry on paying attention to science as little as possible, then.

Why I Was Late for Work This Morning

2008-08-22T11:09:00.002-05:00

It's all due to these guys:

More great pics and a review here.
I would come up with some lame pun like "at least I have an excuse from The Boss", but I'm too tired to attempt to be funny.

Dispatches from the American Owl Restaurant

2008-08-20T10:01:00.004-05:00

and other random links.
Yes, Beijing has a Hooters. Enjoy the world's creepiest guy at 1:25. You find Hooters too bourgeois for your sophisticated taste? Prefer skinny jeans and obscure crappy bands? Prepare to get taken down a few pegs, hipsters.

An artificial appropriation of different styles from different eras, the hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture lost in the superficiality of its past and unable to create any new meaning.

Yikes. It gets more scathing after that.
Plus, a study noticed an inverse relationship between beer drinking by scientists and getting published. One of my old bosses certainly was a good example of this.
If wine is more your style, you could always start a fake restaurant stocked full of low-rated wines and still get Wine Spectator's award of excellence.
And, don't worry, sometimes you don't even need to be a researcher to get noticed by scientific publications. Occasionally, just being attention-whoring hillbilly cut-rate Barney Fife wannabes will get the job done. And finally, with college football season on us, let's look at the (debatable) reasons why college football is way better than the NFL.

The Coolest Thing I've Read All Day

2008-08-13T22:25:00.001-05:00

Julia Child. Affable cookbook author, television personality and foodie icon was a spy in the 24,000 member OSS.

An incredible picture

2008-07-16T16:42:00.002-05:00

Kottke.org has what is described as "The most beautiful suicide" The pic is from the not-as-idyllic-as-you'd-think 1947 Life Magazine and is mesmerizing in a morbid kind of way.

What a waste

2008-06-25T21:24:00.004-05:00

So, talented young Alabama linebacker (and loudmouth featured here before) Jimmy Johns has found himself in a little spot of trouble with the law. I'll let Curtis here explain:

Or maybe something more...contemporary

Cocaine, exstacy, driving without a seatbelt, what won't this guy do?
http://blog.al.com/rapsheet/2008/06/jimmy_johns_arrested_and_charg.html
What's that you say, raising pitbulls on the side? Why the hell not?
http://www.tidesports.com/article/20080625/NEWS/46761593/1011
Plus style points for dealin' at the football facilities.
http://blog.al.com/live/2008/06/police_jimmy_johns_sold_cocain.html
All this clearly resulted in an unprecedented Fulmer Cup windfall.
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/06/25/fulmer-cupdate-rooooooooooooll-taaaaahde/
So in retrospect, and with stunningly clear hindsight, I'm glad he went elsewhere for his fancy advanced book learnin'.
Old Crow, take us out!

A sad day for comedy

2008-06-23T17:26:00.002-05:00

Things I love: pessimism and humor.

Plus, some thoughts on the Gulf War (the one that lasted a few days)

Something tells me he would have gotten a kick out of this:
Ex-Traffic Cop Says He's Jesus.

I'm feeling a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive.

2008-05-22T15:24:00.013-05:00

Just got back from my first ever trip to Las Vegas To put it mildly, it was interesting. Since the ACM Awards were last Sunday, my flight from Nashville was full of people from the country music industry, which was interesting. The whole Vegas thing can be overwhelming. The obvious differences from there and wherever you live are obvious from the moment you step off the plane.
With hideous payout rates, they're like flypaper for total suckers.

I made my way to my subdued, understated accommodations.

My room? It's somewhere behind the enormous guy in the straitjacket. I'm sure it's purely coincidental.

But if it was good enough for the guy that helped make the place a world-class destination,

and good enough for a famous journalist and inspiration for this post's title, it's good enough for me, too.

And look who was waiting to greet me in my room!

Fortunately, my time spent in the room was limited. There was plenty to do. Like gawk at the fountains in front of the Bellagio (which looks suspiciously like the Beau Rivage back home)

If spending money like it's going out of style is more your thing, you could go to a certain expensive hotel (complete with expensive shops) and check out an expensive show.

Or, while at that same location, if you know exactly where to look (and it's nowhere near any other restaurants there), you can do what I did and have the best meal of your life at Bouchon.

Was it worth walking past at least a dozen other dining options to eat here twice (take note, jealous foodies)? You bet it was. A French Restaurant operated by a California chef in an Italian themed hotel where a Mexican guy called me "monsieur" when he brought out my food. It was all-American-ly fantastic. I even kept the menu.

Or, if such high-fallotin' options just aren't your thing,there are plenty of places to slum it and let your inner partying frat-boy out.

Translation: please come in our establishment if for no other reason than drinking games.

And lest you think that I didn't do what made Vegas famous while I was here, I was lucky enough to be hanging out in the sportsbook section of Caesar's Palace for the Preakness Stakes, which was really cool.

Apologies for the poor quality. A security guard told me to "make it quick" with the picture there. And in case my horrible Kentucky Derby pics weren't indicative enough: I am not good at sports betting. This trend continued for my NBA pics, too.
So, that sums up my first Vegas experience. Not pictured things include a guy getting kicked out of Margaritaville for jumping in the big blender, Pete Rose and Gordie Howe signing autographs at the shops in Caesar's (I have a knack for running into controversial sports figures) and the old eastern European (presumably) hooker hitting on me while I was playing video poker.

Your Derby 134 Wrap-up

2008-05-05T14:18:00.005-05:00

Sure you know how it ends, but you haven't been treated to mundane infield pictures yet! Greetings from a still sunburned and not still hungover anymore viewer of the 134th run for the roses. Observe clutched in my sausage fingers the worst Derby picks ever.

My horses finished from 6th through 14th. Fortunately, I'm cheap, so I only lost the monetary equivalent of two juleps. I also didn't make any money off the filly, so I can sleep with a clear conscience (more on that later). The day turned out to be a lot nicer than the previous day, but the infield was incredibly muddy in spots. You can find mud wrestling pics out there in the internet, but I'm way to highbrow to ~~look at~~ share them.

Like I mentioned a few years back, the infield crowd can be overwhelming

I'm sure to the rich people next to the spires, we looked like ants. But behaved much less socially productive.

This is the only glimpse of the Derby we got from the backstretch

So we "missed out" on seeing Eight Belles collapse and the resultant horrible ending.

For us, the worst part was the non-moving mass of people jammed at the exit for an hour. The crowd wasn't that bad, except for the drunk idiots next to us that kept getting into a fight. At one point, this one guy got jumped by two jerks who smashed a julep glass over his head. Of course, at this point the multitudes of law enforcement that had been around all day were totally non-existent. I would have taken a picture of the carnage, but I was too buy trying to not get batshit-crazy-belligerent-drunk-hick blood on me or my friends (with mixed results). Frankly, it was slightly less jarring than rubbing shoulders with OJ.

Well, that was an interesting wake-up call

2008-04-18T10:34:00.003-05:00

I experienced my first earthquake ever this morning at 4:38 AM. The rumble woke me up, and the feeling reminded me of when I lived right next to the railroad tracks. I've spent my whole life in "tornado alley" and have had to batten down the hatches for a hurricane before, and this was...different.
An Earthquake Rattles the Midwest.
But wait, there's more. About the time I was posting this, there was an aftershock
Yes, the earth moved for me
This showed up in my Google Reader asThunder Under Louisville (kudos to whoever came up with that one)
5.2 Rattles U.S. Midwest

More second round shortcomings?

2008-03-23T12:45:00.003-05:00

So, my Dogs get the privilege of playing 1 seed Memphis today. When you play your way into the 8 seed, that's what happens. The game will feature loads of defense. Memphis has an awesome offense. State's has a disturbing tendency to be hit-or-miss. There's a slight chance State wins. But we can always dream. And now, a cheap shot from the Memphis-UAB post-game shenanigans.

Play of the Tournament by the Hilltoppers!

2008-03-21T17:07:00.003-05:00

Woo hoo. Even the science and engineering nerds in the building were yelling when this went down. Sadly, I had just stopped watching (and went back to my actual job) when it happened.

The 12 seed does it again! I'm in the only town in America where this doesn't help my bracket at all! Time to celebrate and hope my 'Dogs can keep up the streak today.
Oh, and here's some instant analysis as this thing is tearing up the 'net right now.
With Leather
The Quad
The Big Lead (which WKU ironically squandered during the second half)
EDSBS (Orson writes about hoops?)
Storming the Floor
King Kaufman's Sports Daily
Awful Announcing
Deadspin
Hell, even my mom just e-mailed me a story about this.

A Day Late, Buck Short Tourney Wrap-Up

2008-03-17T10:46:00.003-05:00

First, enjoy St. Patrick's Day

Georgia wins the "Tornado Tournament" on their arch-nemesis' home court, too. They equaled their conference win total for the season in just three days. Sure, I cackled when they took burst Ole Miss' bubble. I snickered when they outlasted Kentucky. I swore at the TV when they beat State. And I found myself rooting for them in the finals against Arkansas. If they lost, they weren't even eligible for the NIT, they were considering firing their coach last week, and now they're in the big dance, as one of the six teams in from the "weak" SEC. For my questionable bracket picks that no one will read, and fewer should pay attention to: I like 10 seeds Davidson, St. Mary's, 11 seeds Baylor (and maybe St. Joe's), and 12 seeds Temple plus my homer pick WKU. Also, look for State to beat Oregon on Friday and then lose in all-too-typical nailbiter fashion to Memphis. Plus, congrats to Gordon, Rhodes and Varnado for making another all-SEC roster. And while you're watching the first round games, and are wondering when a game is really over, here's a handy guide for you (complete with a calculator).

What. The. Hell?

2008-03-15T12:03:00.002-05:00

So, that was an eventful, suspense-filled game.
Mississippi State Beats Alabama 69-67 in OT. Other than the thrilling overtime action, not much notable happened, except for the 'nader that passed through downtown Atlanta, making a mess of the Georgia Dome and surrounding areas, forcing the league to postpone the UK-Georgia game until today. The rest of the tournament games will be played at Georgia Tech in front of "400" fans of each team (plus the band and cheerleaders), which will no doubt piss off tons of the SEC's notoriously even-keeled fanatics. Watching the UK game now, it's kind of surreal seeing a conference semi-final played in an intra-squad scrimmage type of setting.

You can't get away with this kind of thing

2008-03-14T15:55:00.002-05:00

...even if you do live in Pearl.

from the way-funnier-than-LOLcats failblog.

And finally, how does a team accurately commemorate the ten year anniversary of Bryce Drew Day? By getting upset in nail-biting fashion again (and that Valpo game was a decade ago? I feel ancient now).

Congrats to the Bulldogs

2008-03-09T18:17:00.004-05:00

(from the Clarion-Ledger) You know, I'm flattered Charles, but lots of people have the same reaction when they realize that's the scene of my graduation. Moving on.

Good job on winning the West. Here's to a good showing in Atlanta and a decent seed in the tourney. Now, if I might have a word with my alma mater: Please, try and make it past the second round of the tournament this time. I've seen you blow it at that point in every conceivable way. Lose to an upstart big-name program playing closer to home than they deserve (Texas), let a scrappy bunch of underdogs hang around the whole game to win at the last second (Butler, damn 12-5 match up), have a red-hot team shoot lights out the whole day (Xavier), play a big name close the whole time, only to fall short at the end (Duke). I've seen it all. Sure, some of those teams were better than this group (talent-wise and record-wise, at least). I'm even willing to put my $ on the line and keep you out of the second round in my office pool. That's right, my superstitious ass will take a dive on this one, just meet me halfway.
Also, enjoy this article featuring some of the "greatest" infractions in SEC history on this list. If we all try really hard, I'm sure we can trump the Big 12 in terms of shadiness (assuming Oklahoma and Nebraska don't go on some crazy 1980's style binge).

Didn't see that one coming (but neither did anyone else)

2008-03-06T15:41:00.003-06:00

So, nothing like a relaxing evening at home...listening to a heartbreaking overtime loss. Hopefully State has got the buzzer-beater loss out of their system BEFORE the tournament this year. How the hell do you make nine three pointers in a row? After missing the first six attempts? It's not human. Oh, how quickly I forgot that the benevolent, all-knowing creator hates my sports teams:

My teammates did a great job of finding me when I was open, and God took care of the rest.

Riiiiight. I'm sure Yahweh also caused State to shoot 15/28 of their free throws.
Hopefully they can demolish LSU in Starkville, and get a few wins in the SEC tournament. I just don't want to be a 5 seed. Yes, even as a scientist, I'm that superstitious when it comes to that kind of thing.
Well, at least I'll always have boneheaded moves by the Raiders to keep me entertained. 50 million for a tackle on some of the statistically worst SEC defenses EVER? Okay. Care for an underachieving, injury-prone receiver while you're at it? Sweet.

Breaking bold new ground

2008-03-05T16:29:00.002-06:00

and posting from work
Something I wouldn't have done at the old job.
Speaking of the former employer...

A statistical look at why football games on CBS seem to take forever.

Take a gander at the hexapus (because the name sextapus would send eighth graders into giggling fits)

And tonight, I'll be listening while the SEC West champ Bulldogs play the Top 25 ranked Vanderbilt. For some reason, the game isn't on TV, I guess the SEC decided that two teams with winning records,and a stake in the final standings isn't as much of a ratings draw as some underachieving big-name schools.

Some post game stuff

2008-01-16T20:54:00.001-06:00

Hey! It's a Bloc(k) Party!

And now for the Varnado SportsCenter Highlight reel:

Fooled around, got a triple-double... beat UK (apologies to Ice Cube) I'd have to say it was a good day.

The ten block performance was either an incredible defensive accomplishment or a total hack fest that warrants a Congressional investigation, depending on how much of a UK ~~partisan whiny homer~~ fanatic one is (not the writers, KSR is a solid site, it's the commenters).
So, now State finds themselves 3-0 with a weekend showdown against longtime hoops foe Bama, and then a huge game against an amazingly good Ole Miss who hasn't won in Starkville for a long time.

Random amusing stuff

2008-01-15T19:09:00.000-06:00

at least for me.
Okay, first off we have the perfect fashion complement for a preggers teenager from a crazy family complete with a GED study book.

(hey, she's got to be kinda rich, so way to live up to one stereotype)

Anyway, this next gem has made a few internet rounds this week (I first saw it here) and comes from a documentary film called "Year of the Bull" chronicling a Miami-area high school football team
Sweet mother-of-pearl, this thing is intense, and has an incredible amount of F-bombs per minute.

I played in high school for what I thought were some football-crazed small towns. The only thing we had to worry about was a peeved coach grabbing our facemask and getting the occasional wayward drop of dip spit launched our way. These "molders of young minds" really crank it up to 11. Getting form tackled and dog-cussed (except for the normal "you ladies hitting sounds like gnats pissing on cotton" type of comments) wasn't on the radar for us. But hey, they won the state championship and we didn't, so different strokes for different folks.
And now I'm off to watch State face off against UK. Somehow MSU is a 9 point favorite. And that makes me incredibly nervous.

Your Day-Late, Buck-Short Liberty Bowl Post

2007-12-30T19:30:00.000-06:00

ar

Or: The MSU offense, it's even more inept in person.
What better way to cap off a few weeks of quality family time than to go to State's first bowl game in six years in the comfy confines of our old stomping grounds of Memphis? Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Somehow, my tickets were actually good. We were in the corner of the nice maroon MISS. STATE endzone four rows up. Like a dumbass, I left my camera in the car (which was parked in a suspiciously close parking spot right by some of the huge donor MSU fan RV's). But here's my ticket stub and souvenir cup.
Anyway, a huge thumbs down to the city of Memphis who acted like they had no idea that 65,000 people were traveling on four roads in town towards the same place. Sure, they were glad the game was a sellout and made us State fans feel at home with the big cow-judging stalls right next to the stadium, but Airways was a glorified parking lot going in. Central was the same going out. I saw TWO cops the whole time and only one was directing traffic. And memo to the "Event Staff" guy I hit with my car: Just because you have a yellow vest doesn't mean you can cross four lanes of traffic without looking first. Another huge "fuck you, MPD" from my brother, sister-in-law, and former roommate who spent the first quarter stuck in a non-moving mass of people trying to get to their seats while another non-moving mass of people tried to get to the restrooms and concession stands located right by the turnstiles. The crowd only started to clean out once an elderly person passed out and needed oxygen. I shit you not.
Anyway, back to the game, it's not like the latecomers missed anything, because the first quarter was one of pure offensive ineptitude. The endzones might as well have been draped in barbed wire (like everything else in the fairgrounds area). The much ballyhooed Kevin Smith was pretty good, but UCF seemed like a one-trick pony for the most part. The MSU offense was the one I've come to accept over the season. They think they can pass. They say they run the west coast offense. They'll pass on any down. Do they complete any of these things? No. The protection was non-existent, and we had a great view of constantly saying "oh crap, that one's up for grabs." Fortunately, the Central Florida passing game was a total non-factor, too with Derek Pegues ending up catching as many UCF passes as some of their receivers. Long story short, one good drive by the offense was all it took for State to get a touchdown and the win. To put it mildly, this game was ugly. For the views of people who get paid to write about this kind of thing, there's this from ESPN, from the Clarion-Ledger, from the Commercial Appeal, from CBS, and this again from ESPN. As one of those fans getting their pride back, this season has been a pretty big suprise. After the game, most UCF fans were gracious, if not disappointed, but then this morning at the hotel, I encountered this:
If you can't tell what it is, it says UCF! =) (smiley face not pictured) on the rear spoiler of my dusty car. The totally adorable smiley face clearly indicates the work of a girl or total amateur. This smack, much like the football played in Conference-USA might appear to be competent to the casual viewer, but is eventually, only found to be superficial at best. Really, drawing on a dirty car? I went to an SEC school. I expect pee-stained tires, gum under the door handles or broken bottles behind the tires. I had an elderly Alabama fan swear at me once while he was parked in MY yard! This half-assery is bush-league! Step it up, UCF (oh, and get a field goal kicker while you're at it). At least some of your fans were wearing jorts in the hotel lobby this morning (and it was 35 outside!). So to sum up: so what if the game was dull as hell? I got to spend some quality time with the family, some friends I haven't seen in a while, and got to savor some barbecue nachos while enjoying a win. That should be a good enough weekend for anyone.

A Christmas Gift Hint

2007-12-12T21:02:00.000-06:00

Sure, the normal hints like DVD and CD suggestions have already been dropped, and my Liberty Bowl (featuring the only program in the SEC West that's not just dirty, filthy skanks) tickets are supposedly en route, but nothing truly says holiday lovin' like an $800 ham. That's right. An eight. Hundred. Dollar. Ham (more or less, depending on weight). In musical news, you can now mathematically calculate exactly how much of a sellout your favorite band is when you hear them in a commercial (Iggy Pop in the cruise line ads: 111. The Transplants in the shampoo ads: a whopping 201. Band of Horses in the Ford commercial: a staggering 455). And since this post will now double as my normal personal monthly update: I'm loving my new job. The joys of a 37.5 hour work week can't be accurately described here, even though my chances of random encounters with both Big Red and Kige have increased exponentially.

Mississippi State University: Alabama State Champs

2007-11-12T20:04:00.000-06:00

Thanks to a big win over Alabama (and previous wins over Auburn and UAB). I've watched this clip about a dozen times now.

Wish I could have been there.

Hell, I wish I could have seen more than the last minute that ESPNNews cut in to show, but I did get to see Titus Brown drop John Jacob Jingleheimer Sara Jessica Parker Lindsey Wilson to the turf like a bag of dirt for the last play. Incredible fact for the day: Alabama hasn't scored an offensive touchdown against State since 2004. Thats 12 quarters, which equals the number of points the $4 million dollar man's offense was able to score on Saturday. Looks like the term "Croomed" might have become meaningless, too. Now State is bowl eligible for the first time since 2000, and the only remaining games against an against-the-ropes Arkansas team and an Ole Miss squad that has yet to win a conference game (and I'm nervous about both games, with history backing me up).

Hundredth Post Craziness!

2007-10-29T21:31:00.000-05:00

Okay maybe not. I really should get out more. Anyways, add another emotion to the Paps-amometer. Ecstatic. And jumpy.

Anyway, seconds before this picture, he struck out one Mr. Seth Smith, who attended the University of Mississippi. So at baseball's highest level, it all came down to one final round of State vs. Ole Miss. Kinda cool, huh? And yes, I am fully aware that no one else really noticed or gives a shit. And congrats to my hometown D-III Millsaps Majors for getting some pub around the net today. You know them, they're the team in purple that just will not tackle. (SATURDAY'S A RUGBY DAY!!!)

Yep. That's them.

And finally, I'm trying to watch an entertaining evening of my Broncos on the ESPN, but it's turned into a Farve-centric Farve-tacular on Monday Night Favre-ball. We get it. He's a legend. Trust me, I've had to keep up with him since I was in Jr. High and he was at USM. I've played against his high school, one of my friends swears he sees him at church occasionally, etc, etc. I am well aware of his legendary NFL stature. His wife's story is certainly inspirational (his gangbanging sister...not so much). It's just a little overdone in true ESPN sports-ENTERTAINMENT style. The constant highlight reels going to commercials, the shots of cheeseheads in Mile High. Ugh. I feel like I'm rooting for the Washington Generals or the bad guys in a wrestling match or something.

I spoke too soon

2007-10-28T20:24:00.000-05:00

Did it seem like my last post would indicate that a certain college football team had been a frustratingly inconsistent waste of my Saturdays? Because if you thought for a minute that I doubted them...well, then you could see why I drove nine hours for a wedding instead of three for the MSU-UK game. Who knew?

And now for the recaps:
Miss. State 31 Kentucky 14
A Balanced Offense? What team was I watching again?
State of Shock
And the locals, they aren't exactly taking this well. Work should be fun tomorrow. One thing I've noticed is people saying that Kentucky was worn out after playing LSU and Florida in consecutive weeks, but I'd just like to point out that State had to play at UK after having played UT and then at West Virginia (with a ridiculous result), so that excuse doesn't cut it.
So now State is one game away from being bowl eligible, with three games left. I hope it doesn't come down to the Egg Bowl, because Ole Miss would just LOVE to screw State out of a bowl. Kentucky is already bowl eligible, and for them there's always basketball season.
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REAL Long Time No Post

2007-10-24T21:07:00.000-05:00

What can I say, in the process of finding a new job and not going totally batshit crazy at work (to say nothing of the recent crop of weddings and annual birthday malaise), my "craft" here has suffered. As has my liver, but that's another story for another time. My normal pedestrian Fall weekend distractions of football have sadly been of little solace. I'm looking at you, alma mater. And my normally competent NFL team has mysteriously been mediocre, too (but hopefully that's changed). It's enough to turn anyone into a beliver of bleak, dehumanized, jumpsuit or trenchcoat-laden futures, so here are the Top 50 Dystopian movies. There, I feel better already.
And now, since it is World Series time, here are the many faces of former Bulldog Jonathan Papelbon

Focused

Jubilant (and still frighteningly intense)

...I have no idea, but it looks like fun

The Post-Mortem

2007-08-31T12:15:00.000-05:00

This is me not complaining.
I don't have anything to say, really. We all knew it would be bad, but come on.

More Pregame Seething Bitterness

2007-08-29T21:57:00.001-05:00

Or: No Fear of the Underdog Edition.

After the inevitable thrashing, I will not bitch any about the outcome. This game is absolutely no way to gage how the season will go (okay, so ONE of them is kinda in the national title hunt). It’s the first one. You wouldn’t want to base all of your more…intimate relations going strictly by the first one. I mean you think you’re going along pretty well, and then the next thing you know, it’s 11:45 and you’re at some truck stop on Hwy. 49 wondering if Resolve will discolor suede and whatever the hell prom dresses are made out of. But I digress. Cases in point, since 1991, LSU has lost to State exactly twice. In 1991 and again in 1999. In that seems-like-forever-ago era from 1997-2000 when State had the Western Division’s best overall record LSU won 3 out of the four games with the overall score being 126-70. The 1998 MSU team that won the SEC West? Lost to LSU (finished 4-7) 41-6. So historically, sure, we’re kinda due, averaging a win every eight years. Keep in mind that some of those LSU teams were pretty bad. Curley freaking Hallman beat them 3 out of 4 times. Gerry DiNardo lost to State once (barely, but it still counts) and got canned a month later.

Awww. Cheer up guys, there's one surefire slumpbuster on that schedule.

So an LSU team that's favored to win the SEC West against the team that...probably...won't? It could be brutal. Good thing the game isn't featured as the beginning of the kickoff...weekend...for...football...DAMMIT, now everyone will watch.the competitive first quarter. But hey, stranger things have happened. Technically there is a chance. And there was an eclipse yesterday. And past results do not guarantee future success (according to my broker). Tomorrow, sobriety pending, I might get around to cataloging the horrible events of heartbreak, booze and the occasional beatdown that surround this game for me.

LSU Week Begins: Red Stick Diaries

2007-08-27T20:20:00.000-05:00

My last post might have implied that all LSU fans have never set foot in a classroom in Baton Rouge. That is not the case, LSU has a quite large, diverse student body. The rowdy student section is known for being a living nightmare for opposing fans and their own livers. Lively celebrations at football games, no matter how unconventional are welcome.

Keep in mind, that as drunk as they undoubtedly are, it's a wonder they're still standing. But hey, Baton Rouge is a place where you are free to be yourself and just let your freak flag fly.

Uh, guys, that's not exactly what I had in mind, although it does count as freaks flying flags. I'm sure General Sherman would be proud. Still, you have to wonder what the students do in their spare time other than not study (no, not #1, we'll make fun of them another time, go to #8.) Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it's productive, and not just some raving bat-shit crazy antics of a stoned coonass.

Interesting way to start a turnaround season

2007-08-20T20:04:00.000-05:00

So if you're a backup quarterback that had just slogged through a hideous scrimmage that featured tons of dropped passes, and was highlighted by such crappy special teams that the one guy they signed up just so SOMEBODY might be able to put a ball in the end zone for kickoffs breaks his damn foot, how do you cope? If you answered "go out and get yourself a DUI, spend an evening in the 'Johnny Cash Suite', and get suspended indefinitely" crack open a tall boy. Looks like I picked a hell of a week to stop sniffing glue. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a TiVo'ed preview special to watch (one drink for each time "improvement" is mentioned).

Your College Fooball Season Opener: Countdown to the Disappointment

2007-08-16T21:20:00.000-05:00

and now, a jaunty little number to distract you.

Yes, in just two weeks, the college football season kicks off with my beloved Dawgs getting their annual thrashing at the hands of the LSU Tigers. Growing up, I had no real qualm with the LSU types. Hell, several of my family members went there. One great uncle even played for them back when they still wore leather helmets. He had some really neat stories about the game from way back in the day. Then, right about the time I started college, my family moved to the coast, and I got my typical college student thankless summer job at a hotel in Biloxi. This one, to be exact (the part under the displaced barge).

There, during the slow weekdays, our visitors were mostly tourist families from some exotic locale to the north or west passing through on their way to Florida, or the occasional bus full of elderly gamblers. But the weekends, we were packed full with cantankerous, drunk folk, primarily from points west. They were mainly either: total 'yats residing in Kenner or Marrero enjoying a weekend of nickel slots and free Crown and Coke, or full blown coonasses from Plaquemenes or Houma, enjoying their "two weeks off" portion of vacation. Both groups shared a love of hittin' 'da boats, enjoying 'da best seafood boo-fay, and harassing yours truly, the maintenance guy/pool boy. And all of them shared an undying love of the Louisiana State University. Never mind that the only college most of them had ever seen was the occasional course at Delgado or the semester at Nichols State, they were purple and gold to the core. The week that LSU was in the College World Series was especially fun (especially the guy with the ironic "Roll Tide" coozie: 'I look at my beer, think about the title game, take a drink...and laaaaaugh). And if they found out that yours truly attended Mississippi State? Then it was on Taunts, insults, the occasional thrown beer and threat of "beatin' 'yo worthless pool boy ass". Keep in mind, this was just before State's mysterious run at respectability in the late '90s. We sucked hind tit then (but not quite to the extent that we do now). It was at this point that I grew to despise LSU, and their Busch-swilling, bandwagon-jumping, "why dohn dey sell no likka' at 'da K&B heah" fans. Hey, that sort of crap builds character, I'm told. Anyways, the next two weeks I will examine the finer nuances of the fanbase, leading up to the inevitable skull-fucking that my alma mater will suffer on the 30th.
Exhibit one: skull tat guy. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Next week, we'll get into the gruesome numbers over the recent domination, and include some personal stories of personal degradation and humiliation that have occurred as a result. Pull up a seat, stock up on bourbon, and enjoy.

Weekend boredom

2007-08-04T15:49:00.000-05:00

The world's most popular sports team signed their newest player after seeing his YouTube video. He's nine. And now has a contract with Manchester United. When I first heard about this story, I thought it was from The Onion. I eagerly await Rhain's US arrival in 20+ years to kickstart American interest in soccer. Again. Hopefully, American teams will refrain from jumping on this youngster bandwagon before things get out of hand.
Also, Tom Brady and myself are just about the same age. He wins Super Bowls and is even known in non-sports circles for his ability to get top shelf tail. So yeah, our lives are pretty much identical.

Only 321 Days to Go!

2007-07-26T21:59:00.000-05:00

before my long suffering Mississippi State football team ends its probation, and the whole SEC will be riding clean, baby!!! With no sanctions holding us back, the rise to the top will be one for the ages. Look out world, here we come! Oh, and today at media days, Croom might have compared the pressure to win at MSU to his prior playing days. In junior high.

Are amps set to 11 eco-friendly?

2007-07-10T21:24:00.000-05:00

Here's The Loudest Band on Earth: Spinal Tap! and their mighty bassist army from Live Earth. HELLO CLEVELAND!

Me fail English? That's unpossible!

2007-06-19T20:31:00.000-05:00

Young Ralph Wiggum is apparently a State fan. Who knew?

Sadly, the local Nebraskans were also unable to help with the spellcheck, either.
In other news, rasslin' fans might be easy to dupe. Shocking, I know.

Greetings From Deep Inside the Loser's Bracket

2007-06-17T15:30:00.000-05:00

So currently it's the bottom of the 7th and Louisville is totally demolishing State 11-3. And I'm out of beer in a town that doesn't sell it on Sundays. For MSU, the pitching that amazingly stepped it up to just-win-baby status against Florida State and Clemson has returned to their miserable regular season form, and the chock-full-of-freshmen infield has managed to turn the routine into the spectacular for most of the afternoon (coincidentally Louisville started pitching a lights-out freshman, but that's beside the point.) State has pretty much mailed it in ever since that disastrous sixth inning Friday night to start the furious UNC rally that put them in this situation. I guess just getting to the College World Series was enough for this team, but as young as they are (if not the most talented crew ever) the pressure will definitely be on next season. Now it's on to football season. Dammit.

Bottom 7th 2 Outs. Tying run on first. 10-9 U of L leads Rice

2007-06-15T15:50:00.000-05:00

And there goes my chance of getting press credentials for an NCAA event. Oh well.

One Last Pre CWS List of Links

2007-06-14T21:43:00.002-05:00

Here's the rundown of tomorrow's College World Series action, action, action, on ESPN2, 2, 2! (that I'm taking off work for. Don't judge me.)
Here, Southern College Sports breaks down Bracket 1 for you. Newcomers to all this at Card Chronicle take their look at the bracket. Good luck guys (okay fine, I'll say it: Please beat Rice). For more homerism, here's CollegeBaseball Blog's MSU preview. And for more of a travelogue of some lucky State fans, there's The Beef on the Road to Omaha. As mentioned in The Commercial Dispatch, State's on a 4-0 roll here recently when it comes to ACC teams. It's also a quasi-revenge tour by eliminating Clemson, who has helped oust State from the regionals twice recently. The last time UNC and MSU played was in the 2003 Starkville regional and UNC won in extra innings. The game tying homer in the ninth was given up by some stiff named Papel...something. I wonder what ever happened to that guy? It was also my last sporting event as a college student. How fitting. Overall, State's College World Series history is full of early exits , even with talented teams (cough, like the basketball team, cough). I mean, check out this list of an All-Star team made up of the respective teams all-time greats. Yeah, even THAT TEAM (1984) that placed four players on here managed to go 1-2 in Omaha. Hopefully this year's team chock full of scrappy overachievers will do something the more talented squads (prove me wrong, guys) couldn't. To sum up: this years team started out great, fell flat on its face to finish the season, and is now damn hot in the post season (post SEC tourney). Keep it up, guys.
Oh, and I just might liveblog at some point during the games. Because that story just won't go away quietly. Like I'd ever get press credentials for something in the future.

Empassioned college baseball tech-savvy fans/nerds unite!

2007-06-11T20:19:00.000-05:00

So the Courier-Journal's Cardinal blogger was booted from the press box at the super regional for...live blogging during the game. Oddly enough, he could have kept writing from outside the ballpark or comfortably from his couch watching ESPN, just not at the game, from the press box. Some rule about in-game updates being expressly prohibitive and violating broadcasting rights. It seems a bit ridiculous, but if the NCAA is really about anything, it's asinine rules (and hokey commercials). College baseball is a niche sport at best. Schools are usually in either of two categories here: 1. Good at it 2. Don't care. Not to generalize, but the pool of teams that makes the regionals is kinda the same most years. That's why it's exciting to see teams like Louisville (and UC-Irvine) doing well. I'm not sure what harm was done by live in-game updates. I guarantee you that nobody was turning away from the ESPN broadcast to check out the on-line update. Everybody with any interest in that game whatsoever was either there or glued to the tube. I guess the CSTV guys got the message, notice how their blogs end before the game starts, then pick back up with the post-game wrap up. The occasional "underground" media outlet might show some passing interest, but the story will probably just go away after a few days. And then hopefully someone will start giving live updates from Omaha. And now, your day late/buck short update that my repeat visitors (hey, lil' brother) demand, nay, deserve. This just in: MSU's beat writer has been given the ultimatum by the NCAA. Only posts about conditions/atmosphere are acceptable (sigh). Oh and just to clarify, was Rick Cleveland at the game on Saturday? If so, he was clearly running afoul of the rules. Way to fight the power, Rick!

MSU Baseball: Omaha Bound Again (who knew?)

2007-06-09T16:03:00.000-05:00

or: Just win, baby!

So, the MSU baseball team that was picked LAST in the SEC pre-season polls and somehow managed to lose to powerhouses like Dallas Baptist and Austin Peay is headed to the College World Series after sweeping Clemson in the Super Regional. They're even on the front page over at ESPNU.com right now! State finished up the regular season by dropping the last three SEC series, and then proceeded to go 0-2 in the SEC Tournament. Mysteriously, they then proceeded to go to Florida State and beat the nationally seeded Seminoles (who some experts said had the easiest regional draw) twice to advance to the Supers to face the winner of the Coastal Carolina/Clemson matchup. The complete turnaround was something that most State fans really didn't see coming. Then, it was announced that Starkville would finally be the host site. The Clemson fans didn't take the news well that the "vastly inferior" Bulldogs would host, while ignoring the facts that State beat a better opponent, didn't get to play in their home state, and had traveled to Clemson for regionals/supers twice in the past few seasons (newsflash, Brett; finishing ONE PLACE ahead of MSU in the RPI can hardly be considered "superior", and the fake shock over the role of money in college athletics just makes you look ignorant). Surely after a few days, they would get over it. Wrong. Right up until game day, their athletic department bitched (apparently they had no idea how the bid system worked, so blame the school that figured it out), their coach bitched (not unlike a good old Ron Polk diatribe against the NCAA, but I digresss) and their fans. You better believe they bitched (see the Scout article). Apparently IPTAY is from a Cherokee word meaning "endless whining." Then, came the predictable Starkville jabs. Sure, there were plenty of hotel rooms in several surrounding cities, but that fact wouldn't have done much for the fantastic hyperbole. This point is especially ironic, since the only time I've been to Clemson (full disclosure: for my brother's graduation) the closest hotels were almost a half hour away. Late night update: They're still bitching!!! Check out the last sentence. Apparently ya'll are pretty dense, so I'll type this slowly: THERE IS NO HOSTING CONTROVERSY! There is no great NCAA conspiracy that holds MSU in some great light. Trust me. State's been screwed on bowl bids, basketball seedings, and even baseball regionals. It sucks, but it happens to everybody. There are 13,000 reasons (and $100K+) why your self-proclaimed superior team didn't get to host. Take your "deserve" and "logic" and sit on it for the whole offseason while you self-entitled pricks watch MSU play in Omaha. Seriously, bringing it up again and again just makes you look petty. If your team was so much better on the field, as you claim why couldn't they (and their high draft picks, oh look, that's an excuse too, now!) manage to get a single win in Starkville? It can be a three game series. Just get one win. Now, for the actual games. It's doubtful that many Clemson fans could have gotten any tickets, anyway, since the State fans packed Dudy Noble Field (@PDS) to the gills. From Veazey's Blog:

Friday's Starkville Super Regional attendance of 12,620 was more than the other three Super Regional sites combined. Louisville, North Carolina and Rice drew a combined 11,992.

Keep in mind this was for a game at 11 in the morning on a Friday. But surely, the club that's presumptuous enough to emblazon "Omaha" in their logo on the back of their hats could win two more on the road, right? Especially from such an overmatched hack of an opponent? Apparently not. At least the writer from the Charleston paper had fun out in the lounge (pic from the Clarion Ledger, making me all nostalgic-note to my friends, sadly no, that's not me to the left of "flag guy" I was at freaking work) watching the "vastly superior" Tigers lose in a great back-and-forth game. Today's game was another great nail-biter that the Dogs won 8-5 to advance to Omaha where they'll play a to-be-determined Carolina team (either North or South) on Friday. It's State's first trip back to the CWS since 1998. And for a fanbase that knows a thing or two about adversity, it's pretty freaking sweet.

The TB is resistant to antibiotics, but not irony.

2007-06-02T16:41:00.000-05:00

Not to make light of the plight of the infamous traveling TB lawyer, the dozens of nervous fellow travelers, and the boneheaded border agents, but the situation is chock full of all sorts of irony. First, his new father-in-law studies TB at the CDC. That should make for some interesting conversations when he's home for the holidays. There's the fact that everyone knew about the disease before he left for Europe (but good luck convincing a good Southern girl that her special day might not go off perfectly due to some little antibiotic resistant TB- after all, this would make a lousy wedding photo). Then, there's this:

Legal scholars say Mr. Speaker could be sued by fellow airline passengers, especially if any caught the disease from him

What kind of law does he practice? Personal injury.

And now, apropos of absolutely nothing, enjoy this epic tantrum from the manager of the Mississippi Braves (which mysteriously can't be embedded on here). The rosin bag/grenade bit is a piece of improvisational genius. Admit it. You wish you could do this at your job (and get applause for it instead of being escorted away in cuffs).

The Delta's Latest Culinary Treat

2007-05-10T20:29:00.000-05:00

The flat northwestern quarter (roughly) of Mississippi is known for a few things. Stifling heat, fields as far as the eye can see, incredible poverty in places, home of the best bluesmen in the world, cotton, catfish, and a pretty strong culinary heritage. There's been some famous food writers from there, some classic American restaurants, and a fascination with tamales. It should go without saying that the world's best catfish and some fine barbecue are never hard to find. The local University mascot is the Fighting Okra! It's even where fancy, big-assed, expensive ranges come from, launching a foodie-fueled revitalization of Greenwood. Hell, I'm from there (originally, sort of). It doesn't so much make me a good cook, but it doesn't hurt. To quote Anthony Bourdain from his Les Halles Cookbook:

It is no accident that in just about every county you might want to visit, the good cooks always seem to hail from the most ass-backward and impoverished backwaters.

I think of this as a complement. Anyway, what is the next big culinary breakthrough to tickle the palate of the hard-toiling everyman from Memphis to Vicksburg? I give you, rest of America (courtesy of the New York Times), Kool-Aid brined dill pickles. Hmmmm.

Have I mentioned the rampant diabetes epidemic there?
I just wonder if I have the nerve to try one when I go home?

Now Playing in the Waiting Room For Hell

2007-04-26T19:53:00.000-05:00

I'm pretty sure this vid is on a continuous loop there.

The horror...the horror...

It's more evidence that no fan base can truly bring the crazy like the SEC West. Alabama fans are busy naming their kids after a coach that hasn't won a game yet and selling out the freaking Spring game. Not to be outdone, Arkansas is busy debating if they should fire their coach that had the nerve to get to the championship game last year. I would post more, complete with links, but nobody reads this thing.

Well, that was State-tacular.

2007-03-27T21:50:00.000-05:00

"Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Brown-est". I think that phrase lost out for a spot on the university crest to "Learning, Service, Research" by very few votes. Case in point: tonight's game. First of all, it's the NIT. We know, it's the Not Interested/Invited Tournament. The battle for #65 66. It's the custom-made tourney for such a perpetual bridesmaid like us. So, by making it all the way to MSG for the final, what happens? Much like the other MSG, you're halfway done and you realize: this can't be over, can it? Nope. The couch-burnin' cousins mount an incredible comeback that we all knew was coming and win on a damn buzzer beater. Stateskills has the liveblog breakdown for the real masochists out there. Truly an epic second half choke in the red-headed stepchildren of postseason tournaments (yes I got a C+ in adjective school, why do you ask?). For those that would dare to compare this to a certain school's loss to some school called "Valpo"...nice try, but no dice. This was two fair-to-middling schools trying to rise to their mid 50's RPI rating, not some freaky Cinderella pulling a huge upset out of their ass.
To sum up the outcome of the game: DISAPPOINTING.

But not all that surprising. So disappointment, you can keep your bitter sting (and your namesake point's snazzy lighthouse)

Say it with me State fans: Wait until next year. The team will be totally loaded with talent and now just a tiny bit of tournament experience. Besides, the hard bigotry of high expectations has never bitten us in the ass in the past in any other sport now, has it?

An open lament for the 12 seed

2007-03-20T21:38:00.000-05:00

What happened man, you used to be cool. Every year somehow at least one of you was a surefire way to separate the wheat from the chaff in an office pool. Some years a few of you would upset some hapless 5 seeds and really make some noise. Hell, my team has fallen victim to your shenanigans twice! What happened? Did the selection committee finally stop stocking you with scrappy "mid-major" underdogs and instead replace you with underachieving, milquetoast "big conference" bubble teams (in their nearly successful attempt to rid the first rounds of any meaningful upsets)? What's that you say, 11-6 came through twice? Please. That's for suckers afraid of taking a stand (and besides, those 6 seeds were vastly overrated media darlings). Hell, it might as well be 10-7. It lacks the panache that only a 12-5 can bring to the table. I just want the magic back, 12-5. I know, next year.
Also, thanks to the nonstop pimping they receive from certain media outlets, I was led to believe that the ACC was the OMG! greatest conference EVAR!!!!!1!!! And the Big10 was not far behind it. Well, well, well. How wrong you were. Looks like those "power" conferences managed to squeak by with one team each (the #1 seed, unsurprisingly) into the Sweet 16. I'm sure the Big 10 commish is writing a letter lamenting how his slow, plodding, pillars of ethics, Rhodes scholars-to-be didn't have a chance. On a postive note, if they ever take Ambien off the market, the first half of the UCLA-Indiana game can be used as a sleep aid.
And finally, congrats to the Dogs for making the Semi's of the "other" tourney.

A Day in the Life of a Fan of the Most Bipolar Team Ever

2007-03-10T16:05:00.000-06:00

About this time yesterday, I was still giddy after MSU beat Kentucky in the SEC tournament. It seemed like the game was in the bag midway through the second half, and a co-worker commented to me "so, you like your chances of winning this one yet" to which I replied "Oh hell no, this is Mississippi State we're talking about" Well, a few minutes later my pessimism became reality. The game ended in some unconventional drama at the free throw line. Which seems to be the main thing about the game that anyone remembers. An aside here: listening to the game on the big blue network, the announcers bitched a lot about the officiating, and many UK fans have followed thier lead into crazy conspiracy-theory land. Their team didn't have three players foul out. Which team had a player with 18 free throws? Spare me the bias crap. The refs sucked for both teams. Anyway, following the wackiness was an incredible buzzer-beating three by Jamont Gordon that sent the game into OT. Let's have a look.

Nice. Anyway, after a hard-fought overtime, State came out victorious. Hello NCAA bubble. So much for that "awful" SEC West talk. Yep things were looking good.
So, with so much on the line and in full control of their own post-season destiny, how do my bulldogs respond? By completely and totally pissing down their own leg. They just get outplayed and outhustled by Arkansas. The Arkansas faithful been so thrilled with their season they just might fire their coach! Not only that, but the Razorbacks are led by a transfer...FROM STATE! How much perverse Shakespearean crap does one fan base have to put up with? We should have seen this one coming. The glass is half empty, and the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. Hopefully the NIT will give the Dogs some more experience and something to build on. Say it with me State fans: "just wait until next year."

Update: Championship Edition

2007-03-04T21:01:00.000-06:00

Embrace the ~~mediocrity~~ pairity State fans, we're champs again. Sure, at 8-8 technically co champs with Ole Miss (?!), but State gets the top seed in the tourney. Just to prove that I'm not a total homer, I still don't think we'll make the big dance this year. As for the game, the big stats are 20 turnovers for Bama (11 steals), 12 freaking blocks for State. Bama folded like a $50 suit in the second half and might have just imploded themselves right into the NIT. It was beautiful. To wit:

In other news, Jake Plummer is apparently retiring instead of being dealt to the Buccaneers. Update: or not, whatever. I wish him luck. Sure, I've sworn at some of his boneheaded plays in the past, but I think he's a quirky (albeit with unconventional choices in facial hair at times), decent guy (road rage incidents aside). Plus, he gets points in my book for bagging himself a cheerleader. Kudos.

Make the Homies Say 'Ho'...

2007-02-01T20:25:00.000-06:00

If you can finish that title, keep reading (both of you).

Sleep well America. The Moononites can't hurt us now.

So sure, random glowing signs left on overpasses might raise some eyebrows, but a total freak-out? Really? The things were weeks old. And had been in ten cities without incident. And you just knew a politician seeking restitution would break this line out. “It is outrageous, in a post 9/11 world, that a company would use this type of marketing scheme,” He also confusingly cited "corporate greed" as another cause. Natrually, other cities are following suit (maybe literally). And everyone seems to be throwing the term "hoax"; i.e. deliberate trickery intended to gain advantage, around pretty freely in their descriptions. Of course, I remember back when every white powder was automatically assumed to be anthrax, even in east BFE where I lived. Maybe now every spare box will have to be assumed to be a bomb.

2007-01-03T23:19:00.000-06:00

Holiday Greetings, Major Awards and Nerds, Nerds Nerds!

2006-12-18T22:28:00.000-06:00

Well, in case you haven't heard, you (and more importantly by extension ME) has been named Time Magazine's person of the year. They chose the inclusive group of bloggers, YouTube submitters, Wikipedia etitors, Flickr contributors...people with MySpace profiles...Facebook...Second life...what? Anyway, the honor is either inspired genius or sheer lazy hackery. Personally, I find it all too coincidental. This blog was started in February, and by the end of the year, "Web 2.0" types get some recognition for all of our additions, many done in our undies, some while tipsy. I rest my case. I, the people at Gawker that actually get paid, and the NumaNuma guy thank you. Consider my resume updated.
Some more stuff for the joyous holiday season. A stuffed monkey shows you how to make fruitcake. Adorable! Boozy (traditionally)! Christmasy! It's got it all!
And finally, Ole Miss now has an untraditional fraternity for misfits and outcasts. I wish them all the best, but unfortunately, this kind of thing only works out in the movies (trust me).

Hey Bama, Hire Me Already.

2006-12-12T21:46:00.000-06:00

A Modest Proposal to Bama Fans:

Gentlemen (and presumably, Ladies) this charade has gone on long enough. This has gone through several stages of comedy already, with no discernable end in sight. Allow me to take this opportunity to officially throw my name into consideration for the head coaching job at the University of Alabama. You might think, what in the world could some young punk scientist possibly have to offer? Well, let me make my case. The last two MSU coaches have been Bama grads, so it’s only fair to trade. Who are we kidding here? This is a temporary position, so you might as well do it on the cheap this time. As far as football experience, I played for two years in high school before an unforeseen “backiotomy” forced my retirement. Both of those years my teams made the playoffs, so I’m a perfect 1.000 as far as that’s concerned. Being a former lineman, I have the utmost respect and appreciation for the big hogmollies up front, which was apparently a weakness this season. Being a Broncos fan, I also know that sometimes you just gotta go for the knees in the trenches (and hold, but Bama's always been good at that). Also, I graduated from the same high school as one Mr. Ray Perkins, so I have an “in” (I’m not 100% sure if that’s actually a positive). I also know Portera (okay I’ve met him once, but we used to work in the same place). Just to go for the hat trick here, an aunt used to work for the UA Athletic Department. For football knowledge, I’ve read Friday Night Lights, The Courting of Marcus Dupree (but oddly enough not Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer) and am currently working through The Blind Side. Also, my inspirational speeches will be mixtures of passages from The Art of War, speeches from Patton and snippets of Vince Lombardi and John Wooden (who are we kidding, folks, they all are). I am also decent on NCAA football for the Xbox, and can really tear it up on Super Tecmo Bowl. I also have the NFL Sunday Ticket, so my house is at times a virtual Algonquin round table of people discussing football (except for the Bengals fans, they're total homers). Anyways, I’m not afraid to run the wishbone option, either (take notice old folks). But wouldn’t be adverse to running the spread (young fans of scoring take note). I’m not a stats junkie with a fantasy team, but I’ll bring in one of my friends who actually crunches numbers in Excel and keeps a binder for his fantasy stuff for help. For coordinators, I would bring in Bobby Humphrey for OC and Jeremiah Castille for DC. These points are non-negotiable. As far as pay is concerned, I will do the job for $75,000 a year, renewable annually. We go under .500 in year one, I'm gone. No buyout or anything. The remaining 4,925,000 that I know you people have to offer will be divided amongst the following: The university’s research budget, and over-hyped linemen from Memphis. If I’m the coach, all cheap shots like the previous comment will naturally be things of the past. I also promise not to actively search for the freezer where Mark Gottrfied keeps the souls of orphans I'm pretty sure he uses for sustenance. Also, I’ve seriously loathed Tommy Tubberville for a decade now, so I’m way ahead of the curve here.

Yeah, he'll be even more pissed after I'm done. No more coming out flat for the Iron Bowl. And don’t even get me started on what this guy will be in for. Plus, my summers spent working in a Biloxi hotel have honed my skill in ducking things thrown by drunken LSU fans to an art. Mike Leach, for all his positive attributes, can't make that claim. I've even had Bama fans shout obscenities at me, one time in my own yard, so I'm over the initial shock when it happens again. I've even waded into the occasional message board, so I am well aware how nutso those folks can get (as opposed to those smarmy, self-absorbed bloggers). As for living accommodations, I will crash on a couch at my fraternity’s house in Tuscaloosa until the special features on my house are complete, namely a faucet on the sink that dispenses only Dreamland sauce. Also, having some brothers around will make people think twice about chunking bricks through the windows following a tough loss. After careful consideration and legal counsel, I think the request for a stripper pole in the den, plus a key to each sorority house might be pushing my luck, so forget they were ever mentioned. My other demand is one free meal per week from Highlands Bar & Grill. My current job required hours of instructions on how to use the company credit card and not get canned, i.e. I know the difference between room service and room “service”, which is a big plus. Also, I have pre-selected my secretarial staff, so there’s one less thing to worry about.

(pic shamelessly cribbed from Hey Jenny Slater)
As for some possible negatives (other than the aforementioned complete lack of qualifications), I can promise that I will be tempted to really go “old school” and throw in the occasional rugby play (just against the cupcakes), other than just a lame short punt, I’m talking a five-wide wing play. Also, I’ve partied with Fred Smoot (just once at Ricks, that's it). Just clearing that up. I'm pretty sure that some pictures of me puking onto McFarland Blvd. could surface as well. Also, when we play my alma mater, I’ll be tempted to mail it in for that game, but there’s little proof that didn’t happen this season anyway. I fully realize that this is a temporary position, a post-doc if you will, so I fully realize that my ass will be shown the door after three seasons at best. I eagerly await your decision. You can waste your time on someone who's just using this opportunity to get a raise out of their current employer, waste a ton of money on a guy who will get canned within five years, or you could just totally give up and hire me. The choice is yours.

A Frank and Honest Dialogue About Race, Class and Society

2006-12-10T19:40:00.000-06:00

wherein a group of bespectacled men in corduroy jackets sit around a mahogany table and pontificate, will definately not be found here at my blog this evening. Why then even bring it up? I don't know if there was something in the water this week, but the subject definately came up in places. Gladwell has a bunch of posts concerning race this week. A word of warning, you might need a hazmat suit for some of the comments in all of the following. The rest of these lack the scholarly tone of the previous. First, from the AJC. Should Bama hire Croom, and why didn't they in the first place (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). If you don't want to read the column, I'll summarize the comments into two camps for you: 1. They can't hire him now, it's in his contract, plus he isn't exactly setting the world on fire at MSU; and, 2. How dare you imply we're a bunch of racist racists, if anyone's a racist here, it's you, you racist-ass racist racist. That basically sums it up. Next we have this blog at Fox Sports that seems to be a little hung up one a particular subject. And here's what started it all (the original was removed, so some analysis will have to suffice).
And finally, is the legacy of Mohammad Ali as a counterculture icon nothing but a moneymaking scheme by certain parties? And does implying so make you racist, you race-baiting racist-ass racist (just check out the comments). Enough "real world problems" now, back to me whining about sports.

Monday Night Schadenfreude

2006-11-27T21:12:00.000-06:00

scha‧den‧freu‧de /Pronunciation[shahd-n-froi-duh]
–noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.
[Origin: 1890–95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy]

Because, frankly, it's all we have sometimes.

To wit:
Lil' Shula. As an MSU alum: Don't everybody thank us at once.
Or think of it this way; in the last decade, Alabama has had as many head coaches as they've had wins (and losses if you're a glass half full type) against lowly old State.

Ron Mexico (plus the 'Dirty Bird' pic)p.s. Norwood and Griffith: you're still my boys. Just sayin'.
EEEEEElllllllliiiiiiiii
The liquored' up kicker
Sexy Rexy
Which is a shame, really, since I'll always remember him like this:

...moving on.
The Big 12 in general (see #1 AGAIN, scroll down to Friday, chuckle heartily)
Does the preceeding incidents make me shallow or petty, perhaps. Maybe it does. But like I said, sometimes that's all you have.

Egg Bowl 2006: Only masochists need apply

2006-11-24T21:36:00.000-06:00

But first, some memories from the past.
The 1997 pre-game brawl (which can't be embedded, unlike Deuce's helmet in Shivers' skull. allegedly.)
And the much more pleasant ending 1999 finale.

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The Dawg has a great rundown of some pre-game links.

Now, let me begin my late 19th century patent-medicine salesman style pitch.
Observe, if you will, good sirs, the ultimate battle of the nationally insignificant, yet regionally hostile football rivalry of the magnolia state. Gawk in slack-jawed disbelief at two of the country's most inept offenses (scroll down, way down)...in the same game!
Silently ponder if the "Harvard of the South" might just be letting admissions standards slip a bit to say nothing of who didn't get in and why (further discussion here). Smirk in smug judgementality and imagine why a coach would promise that his players would NEVER get into trouble like they did under the last coach before stuff like this started happening. Again. And again... Wonder in pure amazement how one man can break the same collarbone twice in the course of one season! Sit in sheer unadulterated bemusement at the other coach's accent which runs the gamut from amusing to incomprehensible.
Yes, brave college football fan, these wonders and many more await you tomorrow afternoon in Oxford (no TV, I think it violates some FCC obscenity rule), in the hundred and somethingth battle for the golden egg. Loser gets the keys to the SEC basement.

Broncos Imploding?

2006-11-24T18:16:00.000-06:00

It would certainly seem so (and on a side note, it seems that even the Hall of Fame doesn't care much for Broncos). The defensive issues that came roaring to life in the second half against the Chargers were in full force last night (even though I thought the blow to the head penalty is bullshit). The special teams were a bit of a joke, too. And the topping on the bitter turkey-day pie of dismay, was the offense's note-worthy horrible play and the rumblings for Jake to be replaced are getting louder, but he still has a few fans. I think Jake's shot at redemption in the eyes of most fans (meaning myself and my cousins) came and went last night. Memo to Chris Collinsworth: you can remove your lips from his ass now. If he starts against the Seahawks, by all means please prove me wrong.

Tomorrow, we'll see if my personal misery index can crank up to 11 with the Egg Bowl.

So "The Game" Must be a Big Deal or Something

2006-11-16T21:23:00.000-06:00

Well, according to every media outlet in the country, Saturday's Big Game might just be the game of the century. Of course, it's the duty of my generation's hearty skepticism to not give into such classic overhype and hyperbole, but what the hell. As was previously mentioned, this may just be the greatest thing ever witnessed in college football. Or any sport for that matter. This is bad news for the now nationally insignifigant Iron Bowl. Oh boo freakin' hoo. At least both of those teams will go to bowl games . Personally, I feel that categorizing rivalries as "greatest" is even more subjective than ranking music. Speaking of crappy music, tickets were so hard to come by that Nickleback couldn't weasel themselves into a free pair. Take off, cheapskate canuck hosers. The anticipation is almost palpable over at the M-Zone, and even people without a real horse in this race are getting in on the pregame action. Or just making fun of tOSU's well-known penchant for postgame shenanigans. Still not enough? ESPN has been driving the incredible hype machine for the matchup all week (in between Bobby Knight tirades and T.O. updates) and has enough links to choke anybody's bandwith. Even the folks at Slate are having a pre-game debate.
What's that, you say? These things NEVER live up to the hype? Well then, there's a story for you, too. Hater.
And what's that? You think that college athletics are an opiate for the masses and a waste of valuable resources for an institution whose main objective is ostensibly to teach young adults (which was best addressed by this fine documentary)? Well, The Nation feels your pain (cough)hippie(cough).
And in local news, authorities have found the missing statue of Affirmed. In an apartment of a WKU student. What is it with Western students and 4-legged mammals?

One last time

2006-11-08T21:10:00.000-06:00

In case you missed it:
Saturday

Wednesday:
Johns apologizes for Croom remarks

And while the game may be long past, the wallowing in sackcloth and ashes continues for the Tide.
Alabama has been passed
Calm down, he doesn't mean by MSU, either. But most of the league. Plus, there's this:

Ole Miss has built a great indoor practice facility. Kentucky has fabulous facilities. Mississippi State probably isn't far behind. Jimmy Johns would probably never admit it even if someone could extricate his foot from his mouth, but had the Brookhaven, Miss., native stayed home and gone to Mississippi State or Ole Miss, he'd be a hero in his home state and a starter on the field. Oh yeah, he would have won a football game Saturday. Instead, he went to Alabama, where he's now a highly publicized backup playing behind an underachieving senior.

For an election themed story, here's EDSBS' take.
Alabama Fans Still Waiting on Mississippi State Recount
Brilliant.

The close contest hinged a few key issues. Both teams were strong on defense, but weak on security, giving the ball away at critical times. A corrupt offensive line eventually cost Alabama the lead, however, as Mississippi launched probes into the Alabama backfield time and time again, confusing the base of the Alabama offense and eroding support among the Crimson Tide faithful.

Proving that just because it's made up doesn't mean it's not rooted in truth:

We count all our points as Miss State, because they don’t come around very often.”

An Attitude Adjustment

2006-11-06T21:28:00.000-06:00

During the week:
Johns says Croom's actions were 'tuck your tail and run'

Jimmy Johns wants to play quarterback. He wants to throw the ball. He wants to run the ball.

He wants to beat Mississippi State on Saturday. He wants to beat MSU coach Sylvester Croom. He wants the sellout crowd of 92,000 to roar until the Bulldogs go deaf.

Yes, for Alabama's backup tailback and the 2004 Mr. Football from the state of Mississippi, it's personal.

In a scathing interview Tuesday, Johns said that Croom believes that Johns betrayed him during the recruiting process and that the two haven't spoken since Johns signed with the Tide in February 2005.

During the game:

That is all.

The Thrill of Victory (for once)

2006-11-05T15:03:00.000-06:00

Well Saturday, karma and hubris had a party at comeuppance's house and payback was served...cold. Okay now that I've established why I'm not a sportswriter, here's my thoughts about the win against Alabama for their first SEC road win in six seasons. Six freakin' years. That's a mighty long time of (at best) mediocrity. A few people sort of predicted this, or at least for the team to at least be competitive. Here is the humble plea from Stateskills

So, in the spirit of the crazy student who had the vision to dream of a Bama upset on ESPN, in primetime, on November 16, 1996, I say, please, please, please, let it happen again.

I can only assume he's cranking up Beck's Odelay and partying like it's 1996.

Here's a roundup of headlines:
Mississippi State stuns Bama in Tuscaloosa for first SEC win
Call it a miracle, if not for Bulldogs, surely for Croom
Dogs D-line confuses 'Bama
Henig leads Croom, Miss. State to road upset
This day was due for Croom, Bulldogs
The Washington Post (of course they were there) went with the alliterative Bulldogs Bite Back
In 2006 season summed up in 60 minutes of disappointment Cecil Hurt dares to speak the coach's name who was the victim of MSU's "signature win" of 2004 (Florida fans look away): Ron Zook
And now, a random stat: Alabama hasn't scored an offensive touchdown against State in two years. That might help explain this.

As for the Bama players, here's how they're handling it
From the Mobile Press-Register.

Tide players sound sour notes in defeat
Sunday, November 05, 2006
TUSCALOOSA -- Disgruntled Alabama players dug for reasons to explain their 24-16 home loss to horrid Mississippi State Saturday.

If you listened long enough, you could hear the sound of sour grapes.

"The only reason I can say they're the better team is because they didn't have a lot of penalties like we did today," Alabama running back Ken Darby said.

The final flag count: Alabama six penalties for 45 yards; State five penalties for 58 yards.

Crimson Tide center Antoine Caldwell was not happy with State's tactics in the trenches.

"They were a physical defensive line last year, we knew they'd be physical this year," Caldwell said. "They're more dirty than anything. They do a lot of things between the whistle, after the whistle."

Caldwell sported a piece of sliced flesh under his right eye.

"Yeah, a guy reached up under my facemask and scratched me," Caldwell said. "It was No. 98 (Deljuan Robinson)."

-- JOHNS DISAPPEARS: Tide tailback Jimmy Johns had one carry for one yard, did not take a snap at quarterback, and played only one snap after getting blasted by De'Mon Glanton on a third-quarter kickoff.

Johns got up from the ground, staggered almost to his knees, then wobbled to the sideline into the waiting arms of trainers. After the game, Johns looked in vain for the State player who rocked his world.

Personally, I think the sour grapes sound great. Wait, there's more

"They was picking us a lot. They were picking the safeties. They were taking the No. 1 guy on the inside and making him run in front of us so we couldn't get up over the top of him. We had to go underneath. The referees didn't see that the whole game." Bama DB Jeffrey Dukes.

Mmmmmm. That's good hubris. Coming from the people that were so confident before the game (see the Jimmy Johns quotes below). Here's some more examples: nice one there, Mike and very original Starkville smack. But this one's even better. Courtesy of Bama Football Report:

I think jumping headfirst into defeat makes for fine poetry but lousy football. I think teams that are accustomed to losing find ways to lose. And I think the song says they got a name for the winners in the world.

Roll Tide.

A little note about your beloved Steely Dan reference (from a Donald Fagen interview in Rolling Stone):

Where did you get the line "They call Alabama the Crimson Tide/Call me Deacon Blues"?

Walter and I had been working on that song at a house in Malibu. I played him that line, and he said, "You mean it's like, 'They call these cracker assholes this grandiose name like the Crimson Tide, and I'm this loser, so they call me this other grandiose name, Deacon Blues?' " And I said, "Yeah!" He said, "Cool! Let's finish it!"

But the best example for today's advanced study in irony has to be the writer for the Crimson-White who suggested that MSU be kicked out of the SEC after losing to Tulane.
The comments section seems to have really picked up recently.

Congrats as well to DB Quentin Culberson who was named this week's national defensive player of the week. Not bad for a player on a dirty worthless team from a hick town that isn't worthy of staying in the league.

So for all my inane ramblings, what do we know? State is still a "rebuilding" team with a long ways to go (but with hard work maybe we can beat every C-USA team we play!) and Bama will still go on to a bowl game even if they lose to LSU and Auburn ,where they may or may not can their coach afterwards. Even so, one fact remains.

Some Football Thoughts

2006-11-03T21:00:00.000-06:00

So, this week has been spent by me in pure pigskin Hell. I've sunken into the fact that my alma mater stinks at football (and has for all of this decade) but I at least expect some facade of competence, and getting Pwn3d by Kentucky (at home) does NOT count. But hey, some national sports writers are still firmly entrenched on the Croom bandwagon, so that has to count for something, right? Plus, the Clarion-Ledger is looking for MSU fans to tell their "feelings" about the season. Personally, I prefer my seldomly updated, poorly thought out, anonymous blog for such things. Anyway, tomorrow's "brunch game" features MSU vs. Alabama. It was a decade ago when MSU had their WTF? moment of victory over the Top 10 Tide in a game that they frankly had no business winning. I was but a lowly freshman then, and the most memorable part of the game other than the W was the parachute guy breaking his leg before the game. But I digress. The bulletin board material for tomorrow's game (stop laughing, please) has come courtesy of Bama RB Jimmy Johns. There was some bad blood after he signed with Bama after (allegedly) commiting to MSU. Good thing he's not still being a dick about it or anything. Maybe a home-delivered gourmet sub can make things right. In more random crap, I have something in common with "Bruno". We've both been heckled in Bryant-Denny stadium. Although the guy that flipped me off had a way better mullet. But equally weak smack. Observe.

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As an aside, I could have gone with friends to the UT/LSU game (aka the matchup good taste forgot) but didn't. I suggested the weekends drinking game should involve orange/white vs. purple/gold "ghettoflage" (it's the new zubaz!) Which makes me insane. Or just someone who values his liver.
In completely unrelated news; finally, microbiology and college sports come together in glorious fashion with the story of the football team plagued by Staph infections. From their couch. You're welcome, fellow nerds.
Moving onto pro football, my beloved Broncos took one on the chin AT HOME to the Colts last Sunday. The whole game just kinda had the feel to it that whoever got the ball last would win, plus the vaunted Denver D looked like mere mortals for the first time in a while. On the closing drive, we all freakin' knew what would happen. Whew, I got through that description without any mention of my lonstanding seething resentment of everything Manning. Plus, to make the misery worse, the Raiders won (!?), and the Chargers, aided by their roid-raging freak who apparenlty thinks we're all total morons won, too. Anyway, the game this weekend against the reeling Steelers will (hopefully) be a good time to rebound. It also seems to be a bit under the radar in the AFC, too. Which might be a good thing. So, that's pretty much all from me now. If anyone asks, I'm NOT off to go get a "massage".

Long time no post

2006-10-24T22:05:00.000-05:00

When I first started this blog, there were all sorts of posts I read about how eventually, if you aren't serious/can't nail down one particular topic and discuss it well, your posts will decline in quality, then quantity, then out of sheer boredom, you will give your blog the "Old Yeller" treatment. Well, I'm not there yet. Even though it has been a while. Anyway, some refreshingly good news about MSU sports. They've apparently landed one of the top recruits from Kentucky. The Kentucky fans seemed to take the news...not well. But after a while to think about it...they're still being bitches about it. Seriously, the guy's just a Junior. Kids de-commit all the time, I'm not counting on him suiting up for the Dogs until he's actually enrolled. I also wouldn't find this so amusing if I didn't live in Kentucky. I'll actually get to see if Hopkins is the real deal next year. Now, for news about some rivals, like the Ole Miss players getting suspended, the LSU coach getting arrested, and some impressively mulleted Bama fans getting hitched. I'm late to the party with any Miami brawl analysis, but I did find the infamous "Ned" picture captivating. It's so absurd in concept, it borders on art. To wit:

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Back at it again

2006-09-26T21:55:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks I've been "too busy" to do any updates, but since I know I'm the only one reading this, I figured it was OK. Something vaguely work related for me has been in the news lately. Of course, it's the E. coli in the spinach. This is a serious story with some sad consequences. Also, since the story is in the waning stages of public interest, I won't say much about it, other than ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS wash your fruits and vegetables. Now back to my ill-infomred, whiskey-fuled sports ramblings. MSU finally got their first win of the season, and first road victory in over a year. After the CUSA section of the schedule, the Dawgs finished 1-1 and beat the crappy team they might have lost to on the road, and lost to the REALLY crappy team in Starkville they should have mauled. It appears that for the sixth straight year, my alma mater stinks out loud. In more promising news, the Broncos are taking a page out of history. Like last season. Open with a uninspiring road loss, then squeak by in week 2, then turn it on. In case you're wondering what kind of a week Jake Plummer is having, the guys at The Universal Cynic have it covered the rest of the season with their groundbreaking "Dress Up Jake" project. Also of note was Chukwurah's liquid yawn on the field. But since YouTube and Google image search have both failed me miserably in finding any evidence this actually happened, this picture of John Kerry and a beer bong will have to suffice (from this Iowa board).

Welcome to football Hell

2006-09-12T21:43:00.000-05:00

So, Saturday State found a way to achieve football ineptitude that is staggering. Even for them. It's year six of unmetigated futility, and Saturday's game featured touching the ball exactly ONCE in the red zone. And then they lost four yards, exited said red zone and would later miss a field goal. Good times. At least this CBS Sportsline writer enjoyed himself. He also outlines the finer points of sneaking in a cowbell. So many memories. Anyway, after the game coach Croom was a little testy, to the point where he indicated he didn't care what the fans thought about the offense. Here's the clip. Plus, some post-rant coverage from the papers. As I type this, the song "Some Heads are Gonna Roll" comes on the radio. Followed by "Should I Stay or Should I Go". Eerie. Personally, I think true panic will only set in if State goes 0-2 against the C-USA teams this year. Find out Saturday, when the worst offense in the country (State's) goes up against the country's worst defense (Tulane) why this isn't the prime-time ESPN game, I have no idea.
In recent years, the bitter sting of a Saturday gridiron beatdown has been mellowed by some pretty good football from my Broncos. That was not the case this week. The Broncos looked positively horrific at times. Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce seemed to be catching balls at will. Jake Plummer returned to his old form, and not the "hey, nice level headed play there, Jake" but the "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING" stuff from two seasons ago (and last year's AFC Championship game). Some of the decently thrown passes were just dropped (cough)Javon Walker(cough). Why are you an upgrade from Ashley Lelie, again? Somehow, since St. Louis broke down in the red zone repeatedly, the Broncos were actually in the game until late. Frankly they had no business being in such a close one. There's much better analysis (plus pictures!) at Rocky Mtn. Stampede and Thin Air. Hopefully this is all first game jitters (like last year) and fortunately they're in the same division as Oakland and Kansas City. Fortunately, the Gold Star bearing Cincy fans at my house Sunday watched their game at the same time, saving me from seeing the debacle in its entirety.

Pre-game ramblings

2006-08-30T21:13:00.000-05:00

So, the college football season "officially" kicks off tomorrow. I hear some teams are going at it in the early evening, but the real action will take place when MSU faces USC. The past few seasons have been challenging for MSU fans, but fear not, MSU is actually in Kirk Herbstreit's preseason poll!!!!! (scroll down...all the way, under meals. and airports. it's a start.) Plus a well-respected football blogger (and USM fan!) has the stats to back up State's undeniable home field advantage. As in playing there is the only chance they have to chalk up a "W". So, tomorrow night I'll be celebrating SEC style, featuring barbecue,

(I could have gone with burritos and kept the aliteration, but they're too much of a security risk.)
bourbon,
and belligerence

NFL Preseason musings

2006-08-15T20:24:00.000-05:00

I've never really had much interest in the NFL preseason/training camp stuff (even when it involves former Dogs). Heck, when I was back home I couldn't work up enough energy to make it to a Saints practice (partly because I'm too cheap to pay for parking). I do have the Broncos "Inside Training Camp" Tivo'd right now, though. But that's different. I was a bit surprised this morning to find the sports-centered internet seemingly buzzing with MNF talk. Most of it seemed to give little regard to the "game" between the Vikings and soon-to-be irrelevant Raiders (although I am eagerly awaiting the Aaron Brooks vs. Randy Moss drama set to play out this fall). Most of the talk seemed to center around new booth talent Tony Kornheiser. I've been a fan of PTI from day 1, and his radio show made my long mid-morning drive to work tolerable a few years ago. Depending on who you believe, he either did a good job, or bombed completely. Dennis Miller comparisons? Already? Really? Finally, when I moved to this neck of the woods, I was sort of forced to keep up with the Titans to a certain extent (but the Bengals now seem to be making inroads with the local bandwagon), anyway, they are on thin ice with me now. First, there was all the Pacman Jones shenanigans, then they cut Steve McNair, and now their mascot hits the Saints (my childhood team of local interest) backup QB with a golf cart!

Friday News/Chemistry Blogging

2006-08-11T20:54:00.000-05:00

With all of the recent headlines about the threats, here are some link-worthy stories from around the web. If the liquid could be explosive, why are you dumping it in a crowd? Or more specifically: If mixing it will cause the reaction, why are you combining the liquids into a common receptacle? They had a lot more on this yesterday, apparently (you know, when it was happening). The Consumerist has some interesting suggestions for the airlines. Plus this picture of an intrepid traveller making the best of his situation.

The folks at Sierra Mist saw this coming from a mile away.
As for the science-y stuff, Scientific American has more links for you, as well as at Scienceblogs. And there's also this.

Broncos! Offseason! News!

2006-08-08T22:21:00.000-05:00

Since this blog was started in the football offseason, I haven't had much to write about my NFL team of choice, but with the season upcoming, maybe that will change. Here goes. It's a good thing they didn't go and do anything crazy in training camp like name an undrafted free agent as starting running back or anything...wait, what? Hopefully they'll continue the trend of anyone with legs being able to gain yards in the system. And besides, if Jason Elam (the kicker, people!!!) is any indication, tough is their middle name.

Another reminder that "fan" is an abbreviation for "fanatic"

2006-07-25T23:47:00.000-05:00

And more proof that many fans in the good old SEC could really use another hobby or two. Or a few more sociology credits. First up, a rant from a parenting blog in Atlanta about how much of a jerk her husband is at UGA games. That's right. A whole six Saturdays in the fall are ruined for her. The whiny complaints are entertaining enough in their own rights, but the comments are where this really shines. It's full of the well crafted insight you would expect (GO FIX ME A SANDWICH) that I suspect really come via horribly whipped guys hiding behing that good old online anonymity. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Next up, comes a real gem. Lets say you've decorated your baby's room with paraphanalia of your favorite team. In this case, it's the Kentucky Wildcats. No biggie, I'm pretty sure a few of my friends spent some of their formative years in things like this. Okay, so the enormous, pouncing, ready-to-maul Wildcat painting over the crib may be a bit much. Anyway, where would you go for creative input on this hard work? A blog dedicated to apartment design chock full of opinionated, judgemental New Yorkers? Of course! The comments go south, where the forecast calls for glib with flashes of snark, quickly. Seriously. If an alien asked me for an explanation of vitriol, I'd go here. Wade through enough of them and you can catch the mom-to-be telling everyone they can just die for all she cares.

A Dating Nightmare

2006-07-25T23:33:00.000-05:00

I've had my share of bad dates. They've been derailed by things including (but certainly not limited to) bad Mexican food, ill-chosen movies, "unexpected family emergencies" and crazy white-trash exes. Most folks chalk such things up to experience and move on. But not one intrepid single from New York. His J-date (sort of a Jewish match.com) arranged meeting didn't go as planned, so he decides to stick the girl with half of the bill. Kudos for not being afraid to brazenly embrace stereotypes. It would be like me making 'shine and dating a cousin (which is absurd, distilling is too dangerous and time-consuming for me). But I digress: then he goes all crazy. The resulting story (with audio!) is at PR Differently. Mmmm. That's good crazy.

Visually Impaired Refs, Online Jerks, and Undereducated Slackers

2006-07-19T20:59:00.000-05:00

Recently, the Big Ten decided to fire a referee after learning he lost an eye years ago in an accident and didn't bother to tell them about it. Word on the street is that Michigan's coach dimed him out after learning about his handicapability. Early reports also have him being promoted to the head of officiating for the SEC...wait...turns out that having 50% of his vision makes him overqualified for the position.
Speaking of random acts of online douchebaggery, a report out of the UK (England, not the University of Kentucky, you have to specify around here) wonders why being online turns so many of us (and by that I mean YOU) into "raving arseholes". From what I can deduce, he blames our (dammit, YOUR) nastiness on a healthy dose of the sauce and a desire to be journalists. Which isn't even applicable in my case: I was only going to switch to journalism if I failed out of biology.
And speaking of failing out, the latest gossip in the SEC offseason involves revelations of lax coursework for athletes (shocked, shocked I tell you) at Auburn. As reported by the...New York Times??? and gone over in detail from your #1 source for all things SEC, EDSBS. For those inclined to delve into such matters, the comments section degrade quickly into two camps: the Auburn fans "All is well, REMAIN CALM!!!, Everybody else does it, It's a Bama conspiracy" and everybody else. And now fans of other leagues are piling on.

Big Easy: Back to Normal?

2006-07-07T20:40:00.000-05:00

Seems that Magazine Street is being terrorized by a gang of kleptomaniac transvestites. The article is chock full of quotables.

Bonga heard people screaming inside Vegas, then saw a blur of cheap wigs and masculine legs in designer shoes streak past her door.

This reminds me of an encounter several friends and I had in the Clover Grill at 3AM, but that story can wait for another time. Oh, and if you stumbled to this site after googling any combinations of the terms "transvestite keptomaniac gang" you will probably be disappointed.

Weekend Recreation

2006-06-28T22:03:00.000-05:00

So, last weekend I took in a concert and left the camera at home. Fortunately in the information age, you can just leave the picture taking to people who had better seats (and are better photographers, too). Observe

Like I said, better seats. This guy, too.
See what I mean.
Well, upon further review it seems I lack the tech-saavy to cut and paste pictures into a damn blog. Hopefully the links work. Like someone other than me will read this.

Developing Developer Developments

2006-06-28T21:31:00.000-05:00

Sooo, it seems that some enterprising fellas who planned to build a huge complex west of Waveland (i.e. middle of nowhere) might have some shady dealings in the past. I've stayed away from any kind of post-Katrina analyses for tons of reasons. I'm just wondering, since a recent story about shady bastards bilking the government out of money has garnished attention in the past, and illicited the expected responses, will the same outraged parties be as pissed at the stuff like this going on?

Weekend Rugby Insanity

2006-06-13T21:08:00.000-05:00

From the "It was bound to happen eventually" file, cops in Russia mistook a rugby match for a all-out brawl. Good to see that some things transcend cultures

The fact that police took us to be hooligans, this isn't the first time

And what's up with the All-Blacks recently? First the purse fight, and now some lager-fueled maniac "streaked" at the New Zeland/Ireland game.

Oooh, it's a lady.

Catchy Titles are Overrated

2006-06-13T20:55:00.000-05:00

So, some random links. First, ever read a news story so slim on any relevant information or valid points that you feel like you know less after reading it than before? Here is such a surface-skimming waste of electrons article. I'm calling B.S. on this from a strictly professional level, too. Illinois is generally well-respected in the fields of science and engineering, how did something portrayed as something on the level of a Junior High science project get publicity?
On a random note, ever see one of those Chinese/Kanji tatoos and thought "now how the hell does princess here have any clue what that says" well intrepid skeptic, here's the site for you.

Monday Mountaineering Madness and Infant Indoctrination

2006-06-12T20:33:00.000-05:00

Ah, the lure of the mountains. The views, the air, the rich, competitive, selfish snobs who can afford it. Yep, here's the story of the guy who was left for dead while a crew went past him, and apparently another guy died the previous week during a solo climb. If only there was an appropriate Biblical metaphor to use. In the thin air, nobody will remember what dicks you were. Alternate title: leave any altruistic impulses and conscience at base camp, they'll only weigh you down.
For something for the batshit crazy college sports fan who has everything plus a youngun', there is this handy line of DVD's to brainwash your kid. Too busy/ lazy/ ill-informed/ borderline illiterate to fully explain your love of a school you might have actually attended a class at to junior? You're in luck. No word if the Kentucky tape has primers on how to overreact to each basketball loss or if the LSU one talks about how early to start drinking.

If it's too loud, you're too old

2006-06-10T14:54:00.000-05:00

From Florida (it's like the Sam's Club of crazy) we have the story of the girl who got arrested for having her music too loud. Then the cops get midevil on her ass down at the station. Here's the video. Did I mention her dad is a State's Attorney. Looks like these guys better update their resumes.
On a totally unrelated note, a great time killer can be found here. Tons of statistics compliled about all the states. It's pretty fun, unless you're...oh, let's say a native Mississippian living in Kentucky, then it's just grim.

Boredom, lists and purse fights!

2006-06-02T21:11:00.000-05:00

So, just another weekend with a dead Tivo, a high-speed connection on the fritz and nothing to do but read or get physical activity. The horror...the horror. Anyways, in the news this week have been two lists of dubious believability. First, we have the National Review's list of the Top 50 conservative songs where you'll find such staunch right-wingers as The Offspring, The Clash, The Sex Pistols...Zep...Beatles...David Bowie...wow, anyway, search around long enough and you'll find people wondering just WHAT exactly were the criterion for some of these songs. As a huge fan of irony, I'll go with it. Especially their #1. Won't get fooled again, indeed. YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (see The Kids are Allright). Normally, I leave such things that meander into the realm of partisan hackery to the "experts" found in the links (not that I have reason to be nervous or anything) but a rebuttal can be found here. I'll also link to the top 10 Worst Songs of the 80's. They could have gone with 180 worst songs and still only scratched the surface of crap from then.
Also note-worthy is Bravo's list of the 100 Funniest movies (scroll down to post 5). Where to begin. Keep in mind that apparently funny movies didn't exist before 1970. The Marx Bros., Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, et. al did not make funny movies. Now that that fact has been established, prepare yourself for such feats like Legally Blonde and Police Academy BOTH being on a "Best of" list!!! More analysis here. And where in the HELL is Army of Darkness? Oh Brother, Where art Thou? I could go on for a while. For another, more old-school list compiled by Film Institute-types, go here. Here's another list of the movie couples sure to end badly. For the most part the list is pretty good (with the exception of the unabashed Say Anything and 16 Candles hatin') since I thought Pretty Woman was rediculous and When Harry Met Sally pisses me off on a certain level. Issues. I know.
And finally, your "This week in debauchery" report comes from the land of the long white cloud. How do you make a rugby fight entertaining? Have one guy get slap-happy with a purse. And these aren't just scrubs, they're both on the All Blacks. Fortunately, I have no experience with violence in the wee hours of the AM following a match.
And just for fun, apparently the Communications director of Governor Fletcher dropped the F Bomb last week. My tax dollars at work. Stay classy, Frankfort.

This Week in Debauchery

2006-05-23T20:36:00.000-05:00

or, ways to avoid pondering the monumental collapse of your baseball team.
First off, there's the house that cops found stuffed with 70,000 Coors Light cans. Since it was in Utah, there's a good chance it was all 3.2 beer. But still, damn.
Also beer related, Anheuser-Busch is buying out Rolling Rock. No word on if it will still taste like stale cramed corn.
Then, there's this story about artificially-sweetened booze getting you takned faster. This is the sort of research they can do in Australia.
In other down-under news, I am officially putting the term "hopped-up like a coked-out Wallaby" into my supply of incomprehensible analogies.
And speaking of the Peruvian marching dust, a FSU signee (shocking!) got cought with a stash of blow...in the crack of his ass.
Budapest monkeys drink red wine to increase their red blood cells, unlike myself who drinks it to enjoy the aromas of herbs, cherry, and smoke. Oh, and to make me charming and hilarious.
And finally, a college student spent $2500 on his roomates' debit card for phone sex. The school...Pillsbury Bible College. HEEHEE!!!

Weekend nothingness

2006-05-19T19:21:00.000-05:00

So, while trying to ignore any real news stories out there (because, let's face it, they're depressing) and attempting to avoid "other" "news" no matter how futile such an escape from crap may be. Here's some random stuff for the few people who ever visit here. Basically I'm typing myself a list of a bunch of links I've already seen. Or, you could just keep yourself up at night pondering lawmakers' priorities.
First, enjoy the story of the Corporate thinktank (I guess) which put out a video portraying the positive aspects of carbon dioxide that the hippie-fied bedwetting leftist elite media DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!!! They didn't even mention what it does for the carbonation industry. In the interest of disclosure, the institute in question may or may not be sponsored by some businesses that might employ people that I can neither confirm nor deny are my friends. There's analysis here, here, and here and as always comments that exemplify the high standards of discourse that we have come to expect from the internet.
Or, you could just read up on your run of the mill "Going for it on fourth down as economic theorem" paper (I guess that's what it was about). Or, delve into how emotions can affect how we remember events (finally, it's paying off to be pessimistic). And finally, be sure to hoard provisions for the upcoming apocalypse. Not from the bird flu (especially now that you can make your own Tamiflu), but from the L.A. Clippers sudden rise to prominance.

Random time-killers

2006-05-17T18:39:00.000-05:00

Because it beats the hell out of real news.
First, some YouTube gems. There's the Arkansas catcher who is apparently a drama major. The post-strike out hissy fit is a nice touch. "I was merely... acTING!!!"

Then, there's this Pepsi commercial promoting (I guess) the Wolrd Cup. This is the music they play in the dentists' office in Hell. Like one of my friends said during the Super Bowl "sometimes they just try way too hard." Case in point.

The look on Ronaldino's face says "where's my check, already"
And if that isn't enough, it's haze-a-palooza at BadJocks. With a special hate mail page! What I never understood from back when I was fraternity president, when people get nailed doing this sort of thing, their main complaint is never that they were stupid enough to take pictures of the event, or put them online, it's that someone with an axe to grind is out to get them. Anyway, the pics have an expiration date on them, so look quick.
Finally, if the snails are tearing up your garden, do what this enterprising fella did and deal with them in the tastiest way possible.

The Juice is back.

2006-05-05T20:33:00.000-05:00

World Chumps: A Derby Sure to Be a Cut Above the Rest Hey, apparently, OJ will be in attendance again this year.
And another story about it to read while looking at last year's pic of the Juice's back.

Derby 131: A look back

2006-05-01T21:27:00.000-05:00

Since it's that time of the year again, a springtime treat for the nearly tens of people each week that stumble here: a look back to my trip to last year's Kentucky Derby. So pour yourself a julep, make a batch of hot browns (do NOT look at the nutritional info), and read the following by Faulkner and Thompson and check out this excellent writeup about why you should go to get yourself in the mood. Take in the view of the famous spires.

And gaze at the throng of humanity gathered before you.

Contrary to the high-falootin' society-type folk who have "real seats", here you don't need a fancy haircut or hat

But (ladies) you might want to hit the gym. Just in case this guy is around.

On my way to find some food, I encountered this classy scene. It's been cleaned up a little just in case. Giggidy. Yes, girls do stuff for beads here, too. As a reveler at my share of Mardi Gras, I know that the longer the group idles around waiting for the action, the more likely someone is to get rolled.

Yes, the guy who was the brains behind the scene before you in the orange is getting pickpocketed.
Speaking of beads and photos of questionable work appropriateness, the dude in this picture and his buddies were trying for a while to get girls to "earn" their beads with no success. At all. Finally there was a taker. Since she claimed to be a kindergarden teacher, her identity is concealed. Among other things.

The look on the guys face sums it up.
Remember, you're here for a horse race. Actually, there are ten that day.

Speaking of racing; remember, when it comes to drinking, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Crash and burn too early, and your friends will be forced to shame you. When they found a Sharpie and a bag of ice, things got really ugly. Hilariously ugly.

Yes, that is a discarded bra in the lower left corner of that pic. No, you can't see the pics of why it ended up there.
Now, for the big race, the actual KY Derby, when the shadows start to get long, people know it's starting to get serious. Decent spots to see the track are at a premium. When a real seat or someone's shoulders are just not an option, look for the port-a-jons. They can hold an amazing amount of people up top.

Again, the amazing assortment of adult beverages here can overwhelm the newbies. Go too far and you might have a faux paus right before the main event. If such an event happens, at least make sure you have a friend around to videotape your technicolor yawn. Or some random jackass could photograph it and put it on his blog.

Because, after all, you're here for a horse race.

A mainstay of the Kentucky Derby is celebrities. Last year was no different. While waliking back to the bus to the fairgrounds, I ran into none other than O.J. Simpson. This is the back of his head.

Trust me, when you're packed into a crowd like that, and you see a celeb coming towards you, by the time you think, "holy crap, it's The Juice...I should take a picture...my camera is in its' case...in my pocket..." all you'll end up with is the back of his head, too.
And remember, if you don't lug the keg back (even if it is an uphil trek), you don't get your deposit back.

Anyways, that was my day at the Kentucky Derby. If you're going, it's $40 and they frisk you for booze when you go in. I hope you've had as much fun as I did. If you didn't, why not?

Draft Overkill

2006-04-25T20:32:00.000-05:00

This rant is aimed at a certain unnamed sports channel. Perhaps a worlwide leader. Who doesn't carry many truly international events. But I digress. The people whose Rose Bowl coverage almost made this Southern boy denounce college football is now making me despise the NFL. Okay, just the draft. I get it, there's no other sports on, certainly not playoffs in 50% of the pro sports leagues to devote hours and hours of droning speculation to. I've never cared about the NFL draft. The draft coverage attracts two types of fans: helpless fantasy nerds and insufferable fans of crappy teams. Oh, and it also gives Jets fans something to boo during the offseason. I might check online Sunday morning who the Broncos got and if Jerious Norwood got drafted. And that'll be it. Like it should be with normal people (notice I didn't say people with a life, for a reason). And it's not just me who thinks it, out there in the far reaches of the interweb, another scientist/rugger with a blog agrees with me.

Congrats to the Sun-Herald

2006-04-17T21:25:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems that the newspaper from one of my many hometowns has gone and won itself a Pulitzer Prize for Public Service, which it's sharing with the Times-Picayune. Considering the readership of the other papers in the lists of winners, I think it's quite an accomplishment. There's more story here. This sums it up nicely

The Sun Herald won for its "valorous and comprehensive coverage ... providing a lifeline for devastated readers"

and hopefully the next one they win will be for entirely different reasons.

Easter candy turducken

2006-04-15T17:16:00.000-05:00

Because nothing goes with a religious holiday like a treat that can induce a diabetic coma and should come with a dentist's phone #. In the spirit of the original, I present you the chocolate bunny/ marshmallow Peep/ Cadbury egg "turducken" courtesy of the culinary masterminds at Asteroid.
Even the picture makes my molars ache.

Road Trip!!!

2006-04-15T13:16:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems that the Auburn Hooters was suggested to start dishing out specials that weren't on the menu. Just to confuse, the acutal lawsuit involves a dude suing for sexual harrasment. And here I thought the waitresses were just teases out for extra tips. The "pep talk" came courtesy of a representative from corporate hq! Looks like I frequented the wrong loacations.

Feds pinch Methodist ninja!

2006-04-13T18:15:00.000-05:00

A sad day for shady owners of black sweatsuits everywhere. So here's the rundown (no pun intended, but yet still implied): Kid dressed as a Ninja at UGA is coming back from a Wesley Foundation party with a Pirate vs. Ninja theme (which is an aspect of Holy Week I was unaware of until now) and the ATF agents on campus (?!) take him down. And proceed to use his neck as a kneeler. There's more here. With the best comment

when ninja costumes are outlawed, only outlaws will have ninja costumes.

But, as is often the case with Real Ultimate Power, this is not yet over...

Inadvertantly pretentious movie news

2006-04-12T22:32:00.000-05:00

And for those of us out there who like to long for some long-lost time known as "the good-old days", here's a little realism to bring us back down to earth. Namely: what is popular and what is considered good over the long haul are seldom the same thing. Take that into account when mashing preset buttons on your stereo or rolling your eyes at the movie listings. And embrace the smug. Hell, even the story only gets 2.5 stars from the readers.

MySpace + reverse Lolita teacher = Jail

2006-04-12T22:21:00.000-05:00

Yep, you knew it was bound to happen. The teacher who slept with her student (no, not the one in Washington, no not the "manic-depressive" media-blaming one from Florida) is back in the news. And back in jail. I suppose this will give the "White girls in peril" cable news folks something else to talk about for a day or so. I'm sure they already have a "Hot teahcer did what...again" graphic ready. Good thing there's nothing else going on in the world for them to talk about.