Derby 131: A look back

Since it's that time of the year again, a springtime treat for the nearly tens of people each week that stumble here: a look back to my trip to last year's Kentucky Derby. So pour yourself a julep, make a batch of hot browns (do NOT look at the nutritional info), and read the following by Faulkner and Thompson and check out this excellent writeup about why you should go to get yourself in the mood. Take in the view of the famous spires.

And gaze at the throng of humanity gathered before you.

Contrary to the high-falootin' society-type folk who have "real seats", here you don't need a fancy haircut or hat

But (ladies) you might want to hit the gym. Just in case this guy is around.

On my way to find some food, I encountered this classy scene. It's been cleaned up a little just in case. Giggidy. Yes, girls do stuff for beads here, too. As a reveler at my share of Mardi Gras, I know that the longer the group idles around waiting for the action, the more likely someone is to get rolled.

Yes, the guy who was the brains behind the scene before you in the orange is getting pickpocketed.
Speaking of beads and photos of questionable work appropriateness, the dude in this picture and his buddies were trying for a while to get girls to "earn" their beads with no success. At all. Finally there was a taker. Since she claimed to be a kindergarden teacher, her identity is concealed. Among other things.

The look on the guys face sums it up.
Remember, you're here for a horse race. Actually, there are ten that day.

Speaking of racing; remember, when it comes to drinking, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Crash and burn too early, and your friends will be forced to shame you. When they found a Sharpie and a bag of ice, things got really ugly. Hilariously ugly.

Yes, that is a discarded bra in the lower left corner of that pic. No, you can't see the pics of why it ended up there.
Now, for the big race, the actual KY Derby, when the shadows start to get long, people know it's starting to get serious. Decent spots to see the track are at a premium. When a real seat or someone's shoulders are just not an option, look for the port-a-jons. They can hold an amazing amount of people up top.

Again, the amazing assortment of adult beverages here can overwhelm the newbies. Go too far and you might have a faux paus right before the main event. If such an event happens, at least make sure you have a friend around to videotape your technicolor yawn. Or some random jackass could photograph it and put it on his blog.

Because, after all, you're here for a horse race.

A mainstay of the Kentucky Derby is celebrities. Last year was no different. While waliking back to the bus to the fairgrounds, I ran into none other than O.J. Simpson. This is the back of his head.

Trust me, when you're packed into a crowd like that, and you see a celeb coming towards you, by the time you think, "holy crap, it's The Juice...I should take a picture...my camera is in its' case...in my pocket..." all you'll end up with is the back of his head, too.
And remember, if you don't lug the keg back (even if it is an uphil trek), you don't get your deposit back.

Anyways, that was my day at the Kentucky Derby. If you're going, it's $40 and they frisk you for booze when you go in. I hope you've had as much fun as I did. If you didn't, why not?