Holiday Greetings, Major Awards and Nerds, Nerds Nerds!

Well, in case you haven't heard, you (and more importantly by extension ME) has been named Time Magazine's person of the year. They chose the inclusive group of bloggers, YouTube submitters, Wikipedia etitors, Flickr contributors...people with MySpace profiles...Facebook...Second life...what? Anyway, the honor is either inspired genius or sheer lazy hackery. Personally, I find it all too coincidental. This blog was started in February, and by the end of the year, "Web 2.0" types get some recognition for all of our additions, many done in our undies, some while tipsy. I rest my case. I, the people at Gawker that actually get paid, and the NumaNuma guy thank you. Consider my resume updated.
Some more stuff for the joyous holiday season. A stuffed monkey shows you how to make fruitcake. Adorable! Boozy (traditionally)! Christmasy! It's got it all!
And finally, Ole Miss now has an untraditional fraternity for misfits and outcasts. I wish them all the best, but unfortunately, this kind of thing only works out in the movies (trust me).

Hey Bama, Hire Me Already.

A Modest Proposal to Bama Fans:

Gentlemen (and presumably, Ladies) this charade has gone on long enough. This has gone through several stages of comedy already, with no discernable end in sight. Allow me to take this opportunity to officially throw my name into consideration for the head coaching job at the University of Alabama. You might think, what in the world could some young punk scientist possibly have to offer? Well, let me make my case. The last two MSU coaches have been Bama grads, so it’s only fair to trade. Who are we kidding here? This is a temporary position, so you might as well do it on the cheap this time. As far as football experience, I played for two years in high school before an unforeseen “backiotomy” forced my retirement. Both of those years my teams made the playoffs, so I’m a perfect 1.000 as far as that’s concerned. Being a former lineman, I have the utmost respect and appreciation for the big hogmollies up front, which was apparently a weakness this season. Being a Broncos fan, I also know that sometimes you just gotta go for the knees in the trenches (and hold, but Bama's always been good at that). Also, I graduated from the same high school as one Mr. Ray Perkins, so I have an “in” (I’m not 100% sure if that’s actually a positive). I also know Portera (okay I’ve met him once, but we used to work in the same place). Just to go for the hat trick here, an aunt used to work for the UA Athletic Department. For football knowledge, I’ve read Friday Night Lights, The Courting of Marcus Dupree (but oddly enough not Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer) and am currently working through The Blind Side. Also, my inspirational speeches will be mixtures of passages from The Art of War, speeches from Patton and snippets of Vince Lombardi and John Wooden (who are we kidding, folks, they all are). I am also decent on NCAA football for the Xbox, and can really tear it up on Super Tecmo Bowl. I also have the NFL Sunday Ticket, so my house is at times a virtual Algonquin round table of people discussing football (except for the Bengals fans, they're total homers). Anyways, I’m not afraid to run the wishbone option, either (take notice old folks). But wouldn’t be adverse to running the spread (young fans of scoring take note). I’m not a stats junkie with a fantasy team, but I’ll bring in one of my friends who actually crunches numbers in Excel and keeps a binder for his fantasy stuff for help. For coordinators, I would bring in Bobby Humphrey for OC and Jeremiah Castille for DC. These points are non-negotiable. As far as pay is concerned, I will do the job for $75,000 a year, renewable annually. We go under .500 in year one, I'm gone. No buyout or anything. The remaining 4,925,000 that I know you people have to offer will be divided amongst the following: The university’s research budget, and over-hyped linemen from Memphis. If I’m the coach, all cheap shots like the previous comment will naturally be things of the past. I also promise not to actively search for the freezer where Mark Gottrfied keeps the souls of orphans I'm pretty sure he uses for sustenance. Also, I’ve seriously loathed Tommy Tubberville for a decade now, so I’m way ahead of the curve here.

Yeah, he'll be even more pissed after I'm done. No more coming out flat for the Iron Bowl. And don’t even get me started on what this guy will be in for. Plus, my summers spent working in a Biloxi hotel have honed my skill in ducking things thrown by drunken LSU fans to an art. Mike Leach, for all his positive attributes, can't make that claim. I've even had Bama fans shout obscenities at me, one time in my own yard, so I'm over the initial shock when it happens again. I've even waded into the occasional message board, so I am well aware how nutso those folks can get (as opposed to those smarmy, self-absorbed bloggers). As for living accommodations, I will crash on a couch at my fraternity’s house in Tuscaloosa until the special features on my house are complete, namely a faucet on the sink that dispenses only Dreamland sauce. Also, having some brothers around will make people think twice about chunking bricks through the windows following a tough loss. After careful consideration and legal counsel, I think the request for a stripper pole in the den, plus a key to each sorority house might be pushing my luck, so forget they were ever mentioned. My other demand is one free meal per week from Highlands Bar & Grill. My current job required hours of instructions on how to use the company credit card and not get canned, i.e. I know the difference between room service and room “service”, which is a big plus. Also, I have pre-selected my secretarial staff, so there’s one less thing to worry about.

(pic shamelessly cribbed from Hey Jenny Slater)
As for some possible negatives (other than the aforementioned complete lack of qualifications), I can promise that I will be tempted to really go “old school” and throw in the occasional rugby play (just against the cupcakes), other than just a lame short punt, I’m talking a five-wide wing play. Also, I’ve partied with Fred Smoot (just once at Ricks, that's it). Just clearing that up. I'm pretty sure that some pictures of me puking onto McFarland Blvd. could surface as well. Also, when we play my alma mater, I’ll be tempted to mail it in for that game, but there’s little proof that didn’t happen this season anyway. I fully realize that this is a temporary position, a post-doc if you will, so I fully realize that my ass will be shown the door after three seasons at best. I eagerly await your decision. You can waste your time on someone who's just using this opportunity to get a raise out of their current employer, waste a ton of money on a guy who will get canned within five years, or you could just totally give up and hire me. The choice is yours.

A Frank and Honest Dialogue About Race, Class and Society

wherein a group of bespectacled men in corduroy jackets sit around a mahogany table and pontificate, will definately not be found here at my blog this evening. Why then even bring it up? I don't know if there was something in the water this week, but the subject definately came up in places. Gladwell has a bunch of posts concerning race this week. A word of warning, you might need a hazmat suit for some of the comments in all of the following. The rest of these lack the scholarly tone of the previous. First, from the AJC. Should Bama hire Croom, and why didn't they in the first place (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). If you don't want to read the column, I'll summarize the comments into two camps for you: 1. They can't hire him now, it's in his contract, plus he isn't exactly setting the world on fire at MSU; and, 2. How dare you imply we're a bunch of racist racists, if anyone's a racist here, it's you, you racist-ass racist racist. That basically sums it up. Next we have this blog at Fox Sports that seems to be a little hung up one a particular subject. And here's what started it all (the original was removed, so some analysis will have to suffice).
And finally, is the legacy of Mohammad Ali as a counterculture icon nothing but a moneymaking scheme by certain parties? And does implying so make you racist, you race-baiting racist-ass racist (just check out the comments). Enough "real world problems" now, back to me whining about sports.

Monday Night Schadenfreude

scha‧den‧freu‧de  /Pronunciation[shahd-n-froi-duh]
–noun
satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.
[Origin: 1890–95; < G, equiv. to Schaden harm + Freude joy]

Because, frankly, it's all we have sometimes.

To wit:
Lil' Shula. As an MSU alum: Don't everybody thank us at once.
Or think of it this way; in the last decade, Alabama has had as many head coaches as they've had wins (and losses if you're a glass half full type) against lowly old State.

Ron Mexico (plus the 'Dirty Bird' pic)p.s. Norwood and Griffith: you're still my boys. Just sayin'.
EEEEEElllllllliiiiiiiii
The liquored' up kicker
Sexy Rexy
Which is a shame, really, since I'll always remember him like this:

...moving on.
The Big 12 in general (see #1 AGAIN, scroll down to Friday, chuckle heartily)
Does the preceeding incidents make me shallow or petty, perhaps. Maybe it does. But like I said, sometimes that's all you have.

Egg Bowl 2006: Only masochists need apply

But first, some memories from the past.
The 1997 pre-game brawl (which can't be embedded, unlike Deuce's helmet in Shivers' skull. allegedly.)
And the much more pleasant ending 1999 finale.

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The Dawg has a great rundown of some pre-game links.

Now, let me begin my late 19th century patent-medicine salesman style pitch.
Observe, if you will, good sirs, the ultimate battle of the nationally insignificant, yet regionally hostile football rivalry of the magnolia state. Gawk in slack-jawed disbelief at two of the country's most inept offenses (scroll down, way down)...in the same game!
Silently ponder if the "Harvard of the South" might just be letting admissions standards slip a bit to say nothing of who didn't get in and why (further discussion here). Smirk in smug judgementality and imagine why a coach would promise that his players would NEVER get into trouble like they did under the last coach before stuff like this started happening. Again. And again... Wonder in pure amazement how one man can break the same collarbone twice in the course of one season! Sit in sheer unadulterated bemusement at the other coach's accent which runs the gamut from amusing to incomprehensible.
Yes, brave college football fan, these wonders and many more await you tomorrow afternoon in Oxford (no TV, I think it violates some FCC obscenity rule), in the hundred and somethingth battle for the golden egg. Loser gets the keys to the SEC basement.

Broncos Imploding?

It would certainly seem so (and on a side note, it seems that even the Hall of Fame doesn't care much for Broncos). The defensive issues that came roaring to life in the second half against the Chargers were in full force last night (even though I thought the blow to the head penalty is bullshit). The special teams were a bit of a joke, too. And the topping on the bitter turkey-day pie of dismay, was the offense's note-worthy horrible play and the rumblings for Jake to be replaced are getting louder, but he still has a few fans. I think Jake's shot at redemption in the eyes of most fans (meaning myself and my cousins) came and went last night. Memo to Chris Collinsworth: you can remove your lips from his ass now. If he starts against the Seahawks, by all means please prove me wrong.



Tomorrow, we'll see if my personal misery index can crank up to 11 with the Egg Bowl.

So "The Game" Must be a Big Deal or Something

Well, according to every media outlet in the country, Saturday's Big Game might just be the game of the century. Of course, it's the duty of my generation's hearty skepticism to not give into such classic overhype and hyperbole, but what the hell. As was previously mentioned, this may just be the greatest thing ever witnessed in college football. Or any sport for that matter. This is bad news for the now nationally insignifigant Iron Bowl. Oh boo freakin' hoo. At least both of those teams will go to bowl games . Personally, I feel that categorizing rivalries as "greatest" is even more subjective than ranking music. Speaking of crappy music, tickets were so hard to come by that Nickleback couldn't weasel themselves into a free pair. Take off, cheapskate canuck hosers. The anticipation is almost palpable over at the M-Zone, and even people without a real horse in this race are getting in on the pregame action. Or just making fun of tOSU's well-known penchant for postgame shenanigans. Still not enough? ESPN has been driving the incredible hype machine for the matchup all week (in between Bobby Knight tirades and T.O. updates) and has enough links to choke anybody's bandwith. Even the folks at Slate are having a pre-game debate.
What's that, you say? These things NEVER live up to the hype? Well then, there's a story for you, too. Hater.
And what's that? You think that college athletics are an opiate for the masses and a waste of valuable resources for an institution whose main objective is ostensibly to teach young adults (which was best addressed by this fine documentary)? Well, The Nation feels your pain (cough)hippie(cough).
And in local news, authorities have found the missing statue of Affirmed. In an apartment of a WKU student. What is it with Western students and 4-legged mammals?

One last time

In case you missed it:
Saturday


Wednesday:
Johns apologizes for Croom remarks

And while the game may be long past, the wallowing in sackcloth and ashes continues for the Tide.
Alabama has been passed
Calm down, he doesn't mean by MSU, either. But most of the league. Plus, there's this:

Ole Miss has built a great indoor practice facility. Kentucky has fabulous facilities. Mississippi State probably isn't far behind. Jimmy Johns would probably never admit it even if someone could extricate his foot from his mouth, but had the Brookhaven, Miss., native stayed home and gone to Mississippi State or Ole Miss, he'd be a hero in his home state and a starter on the field. Oh yeah, he would have won a football game Saturday. Instead, he went to Alabama, where he's now a highly publicized backup playing behind an underachieving senior.

For an election themed story, here's EDSBS' take.
Alabama Fans Still Waiting on Mississippi State Recount
Brilliant.

The close contest hinged a few key issues. Both teams were strong on defense, but weak on security, giving the ball away at critical times. A corrupt offensive line eventually cost Alabama the lead, however, as Mississippi launched probes into the Alabama backfield time and time again, confusing the base of the Alabama offense and eroding support among the Crimson Tide faithful.

Proving that just because it's made up doesn't mean it's not rooted in truth:

We count all our points as Miss State, because they don’t come around very often.”

An Attitude Adjustment

During the week:
Johns says Croom's actions were 'tuck your tail and run'

Jimmy Johns wants to play quarterback. He wants to throw the ball. He wants to run the ball.

He wants to beat Mississippi State on Saturday. He wants to beat MSU coach Sylvester Croom. He wants the sellout crowd of 92,000 to roar until the Bulldogs go deaf.

Yes, for Alabama's backup tailback and the 2004 Mr. Football from the state of Mississippi, it's personal.

In a scathing interview Tuesday, Johns said that Croom believes that Johns betrayed him during the recruiting process and that the two haven't spoken since Johns signed with the Tide in February 2005.

During the game:


That is all.

The Thrill of Victory (for once)

Well Saturday, karma and hubris had a party at comeuppance's house and payback was served...cold. Okay now that I've established why I'm not a sportswriter, here's my thoughts about the win against Alabama for their first SEC road win in six seasons. Six freakin' years. That's a mighty long time of (at best) mediocrity. A few people sort of predicted this, or at least for the team to at least be competitive. Here is the humble plea from Stateskills

So, in the spirit of the crazy student who had the vision to dream of a Bama upset on ESPN, in primetime, on November 16, 1996, I say, please, please, please, let it happen again.

I can only assume he's cranking up Beck's Odelay and partying like it's 1996.

Here's a roundup of headlines:
Mississippi State stuns Bama in Tuscaloosa for first SEC win
Call it a miracle, if not for Bulldogs, surely for Croom
Dogs D-line confuses 'Bama
Henig leads Croom, Miss. State to road upset
This day was due for Croom, Bulldogs
The Washington Post (of course they were there) went with the alliterative Bulldogs Bite Back
In 2006 season summed up in 60 minutes of disappointment Cecil Hurt dares to speak the coach's name who was the victim of MSU's "signature win" of 2004 (Florida fans look away): Ron Zook
And now, a random stat: Alabama hasn't scored an offensive touchdown against State in two years. That might help explain this.


As for the Bama players, here's how they're handling it
From the Mobile Press-Register.

Tide players sound sour notes in defeat
Sunday, November 05, 2006
TUSCALOOSA -- Disgruntled Alabama players dug for reasons to explain their 24-16 home loss to horrid Mississippi State Saturday.

If you listened long enough, you could hear the sound of sour grapes.

"The only reason I can say they're the better team is because they didn't have a lot of penalties like we did today," Alabama running back Ken Darby said.

The final flag count: Alabama six penalties for 45 yards; State five penalties for 58 yards.

Crimson Tide center Antoine Caldwell was not happy with State's tactics in the trenches.

"They were a physical defensive line last year, we knew they'd be physical this year," Caldwell said. "They're more dirty than anything. They do a lot of things between the whistle, after the whistle."

Caldwell sported a piece of sliced flesh under his right eye.

"Yeah, a guy reached up under my facemask and scratched me," Caldwell said. "It was No. 98 (Deljuan Robinson)."

-- JOHNS DISAPPEARS: Tide tailback Jimmy Johns had one carry for one yard, did not take a snap at quarterback, and played only one snap after getting blasted by De'Mon Glanton on a third-quarter kickoff.

Johns got up from the ground, staggered almost to his knees, then wobbled to the sideline into the waiting arms of trainers. After the game, Johns looked in vain for the State player who rocked his world.

Personally, I think the sour grapes sound great. Wait, there's more

"They was picking us a lot. They were picking the safeties. They were taking the No. 1 guy on the inside and making him run in front of us so we couldn't get up over the top of him. We had to go underneath. The referees didn't see that the whole game." Bama DB Jeffrey Dukes.

Mmmmmm. That's good hubris. Coming from the people that were so confident before the game (see the Jimmy Johns quotes below). Here's some more examples: nice one there, Mike and very original Starkville smack. But this one's even better. Courtesy of Bama Football Report:

I think jumping headfirst into defeat makes for fine poetry but lousy football. I think teams that are accustomed to losing find ways to lose. And I think the song says they got a name for the winners in the world.

Roll Tide.

A little note about your beloved Steely Dan reference (from a Donald Fagen interview in Rolling Stone):

Where did you get the line "They call Alabama the Crimson Tide/Call me Deacon Blues"?

Walter and I had been working on that song at a house in Malibu. I played him that line, and he said, "You mean it's like, 'They call these cracker assholes this grandiose name like the Crimson Tide, and I'm this loser, so they call me this other grandiose name, Deacon Blues?' " And I said, "Yeah!" He said, "Cool! Let's finish it!"

But the best example for today's advanced study in irony has to be the writer for the Crimson-White who suggested that MSU be kicked out of the SEC after losing to Tulane.
The comments section seems to have really picked up recently.

Congrats as well to DB Quentin Culberson who was named this week's national defensive player of the week. Not bad for a player on a dirty worthless team from a hick town that isn't worthy of staying in the league.

So for all my inane ramblings, what do we know? State is still a "rebuilding" team with a long ways to go (but with hard work maybe we can beat every C-USA team we play!) and Bama will still go on to a bowl game even if they lose to LSU and Auburn ,where they may or may not can their coach afterwards. Even so, one fact remains.

Some Football Thoughts

So, this week has been spent by me in pure pigskin Hell. I've sunken into the fact that my alma mater stinks at football (and has for all of this decade) but I at least expect some facade of competence, and getting Pwn3d by Kentucky (at home) does NOT count. But hey, some national sports writers are still firmly entrenched on the Croom bandwagon, so that has to count for something, right? Plus, the Clarion-Ledger is looking for MSU fans to tell their "feelings" about the season. Personally, I prefer my seldomly updated, poorly thought out, anonymous blog for such things. Anyway, tomorrow's "brunch game" features MSU vs. Alabama. It was a decade ago when MSU had their WTF? moment of victory over the Top 10 Tide in a game that they frankly had no business winning. I was but a lowly freshman then, and the most memorable part of the game other than the W was the parachute guy breaking his leg before the game. But I digress. The bulletin board material for tomorrow's game (stop laughing, please) has come courtesy of Bama RB Jimmy Johns. There was some bad blood after he signed with Bama after (allegedly) commiting to MSU. Good thing he's not still being a dick about it or anything. Maybe a home-delivered gourmet sub can make things right. In more random crap, I have something in common with "Bruno". We've both been heckled in Bryant-Denny stadium. Although the guy that flipped me off had a way better mullet. But equally weak smack. Observe.

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As an aside, I could have gone with friends to the UT/LSU game (aka the matchup good taste forgot) but didn't. I suggested the weekends drinking game should involve orange/white vs. purple/gold "ghettoflage" (it's the new zubaz!) Which makes me insane. Or just someone who values his liver.
In completely unrelated news; finally, microbiology and college sports come together in glorious fashion with the story of the football team plagued by Staph infections. From their couch. You're welcome, fellow nerds.
Moving onto pro football, my beloved Broncos took one on the chin AT HOME to the Colts last Sunday. The whole game just kinda had the feel to it that whoever got the ball last would win, plus the vaunted Denver D looked like mere mortals for the first time in a while. On the closing drive, we all freakin' knew what would happen. Whew, I got through that description without any mention of my lonstanding seething resentment of everything Manning. Plus, to make the misery worse, the Raiders won (!?), and the Chargers, aided by their roid-raging freak who apparenlty thinks we're all total morons won, too. Anyway, the game this weekend against the reeling Steelers will (hopefully) be a good time to rebound. It also seems to be a bit under the radar in the AFC, too. Which might be a good thing. So, that's pretty much all from me now. If anyone asks, I'm NOT off to go get a "massage".

Long time no post

When I first started this blog, there were all sorts of posts I read about how eventually, if you aren't serious/can't nail down one particular topic and discuss it well, your posts will decline in quality, then quantity, then out of sheer boredom, you will give your blog the "Old Yeller" treatment. Well, I'm not there yet. Even though it has been a while. Anyway, some refreshingly good news about MSU sports. They've apparently landed one of the top recruits from Kentucky. The Kentucky fans seemed to take the news...not well. But after a while to think about it...they're still being bitches about it. Seriously, the guy's just a Junior. Kids de-commit all the time, I'm not counting on him suiting up for the Dogs until he's actually enrolled. I also wouldn't find this so amusing if I didn't live in Kentucky. I'll actually get to see if Hopkins is the real deal next year. Now, for news about some rivals, like the Ole Miss players getting suspended, the LSU coach getting arrested, and some impressively mulleted Bama fans getting hitched. I'm late to the party with any Miami brawl analysis, but I did find the infamous "Ned" picture captivating. It's so absurd in concept, it borders on art. To wit:










Discuss amongst yourselves.

Back at it again

The past few weeks I've been "too busy" to do any updates, but since I know I'm the only one reading this, I figured it was OK. Something vaguely work related for me has been in the news lately. Of course, it's the E. coli in the spinach. This is a serious story with some sad consequences. Also, since the story is in the waning stages of public interest, I won't say much about it, other than ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS wash your fruits and vegetables. Now back to my ill-infomred, whiskey-fuled sports ramblings. MSU finally got their first win of the season, and first road victory in over a year. After the CUSA section of the schedule, the Dawgs finished 1-1 and beat the crappy team they might have lost to on the road, and lost to the REALLY crappy team in Starkville they should have mauled. It appears that for the sixth straight year, my alma mater stinks out loud. In more promising news, the Broncos are taking a page out of history. Like last season. Open with a uninspiring road loss, then squeak by in week 2, then turn it on. In case you're wondering what kind of a week Jake Plummer is having, the guys at The Universal Cynic have it covered the rest of the season with their groundbreaking "Dress Up Jake" project. Also of note was Chukwurah's liquid yawn on the field. But since YouTube and Google image search have both failed me miserably in finding any evidence this actually happened, this picture of John Kerry and a beer bong will have to suffice (from this Iowa board).

Welcome to football Hell

So, Saturday State found a way to achieve football ineptitude that is staggering. Even for them. It's year six of unmetigated futility, and Saturday's game featured touching the ball exactly ONCE in the red zone. And then they lost four yards, exited said red zone and would later miss a field goal. Good times. At least this CBS Sportsline writer enjoyed himself. He also outlines the finer points of sneaking in a cowbell. So many memories. Anyway, after the game coach Croom was a little testy, to the point where he indicated he didn't care what the fans thought about the offense. Here's the clip. Plus, some post-rant coverage from the papers. As I type this, the song "Some Heads are Gonna Roll" comes on the radio. Followed by "Should I Stay or Should I Go". Eerie. Personally, I think true panic will only set in if State goes 0-2 against the C-USA teams this year. Find out Saturday, when the worst offense in the country (State's) goes up against the country's worst defense (Tulane) why this isn't the prime-time ESPN game, I have no idea.
In recent years, the bitter sting of a Saturday gridiron beatdown has been mellowed by some pretty good football from my Broncos. That was not the case this week. The Broncos looked positively horrific at times. Torry Holt and Isaac Bruce seemed to be catching balls at will. Jake Plummer returned to his old form, and not the "hey, nice level headed play there, Jake" but the "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING" stuff from two seasons ago (and last year's AFC Championship game). Some of the decently thrown passes were just dropped (cough)Javon Walker(cough). Why are you an upgrade from Ashley Lelie, again? Somehow, since St. Louis broke down in the red zone repeatedly, the Broncos were actually in the game until late. Frankly they had no business being in such a close one. There's much better analysis (plus pictures!) at Rocky Mtn. Stampede and Thin Air. Hopefully this is all first game jitters (like last year) and fortunately they're in the same division as Oakland and Kansas City. Fortunately, the Gold Star bearing Cincy fans at my house Sunday watched their game at the same time, saving me from seeing the debacle in its entirety.

Pre-game ramblings

So, the college football season "officially" kicks off tomorrow. I hear some teams are going at it in the early evening, but the real action will take place when MSU faces USC. The past few seasons have been challenging for MSU fans, but fear not, MSU is actually in Kirk Herbstreit's preseason poll!!!!! (scroll down...all the way, under meals. and airports. it's a start.) Plus a well-respected football blogger (and USM fan!) has the stats to back up State's undeniable home field advantage. As in playing there is the only chance they have to chalk up a "W". So, tomorrow night I'll be celebrating SEC style, featuring barbecue,

(I could have gone with burritos and kept the aliteration, but they're too much of a security risk.)
bourbon,
and belligerence

More dumb links for my one visitor per day

In Washington, it seems that raccoons have banded together and attacked. This is disconcerting. They already have opposable thumbs, if they learn the secrets of the prehensile tail from possums, there'll be no stopping them!
Looks like Survivor (disclaimer: I've never watched the first minute of any of these shows) is going all "separate but equal" on everybody and dividing teams by race. I suppose it's hard to judge people based on the content of their character when they're all total douchebags to begin with. I'm just sayin'. If they would use the casting people from "The Real World" and turn it into Stereotype-fest2006, I predict a ratings bonanza. And more incentive to drink. Look, it's a contextual lead in to...
Forbes has released a list of the drunkest cities in America. The rust belt is represented well. Seems like a swath from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh is awash in hooch. The lack of New Orleans is odd (well, not so much the past year). Seriously, one of my friends used to live next to a bar that was from open from 10AM to 7AM. I wonder if Southerners aren't...under-reporting...themselves and level of crunkitude in the stats. It seems like they could use some good old "Bluegrass apathy juice" in their lives, since a lot are apparently quite irate. If you live in Florida, there's a good chance you're seething with pure, unadultarated rage now.
Some good news from back home: Mississippi is the best football state in the country! The criteria for the award also has Kansas ahead of Florida, for what that's worth. This ranking will be completely meaningless to me this year if State (and Ole Miss & USM) continues to stink out loud on the field.
And finally, check out this fine example of Bama-geneering
.

NFL Preseason musings

I've never really had much interest in the NFL preseason/training camp stuff (even when it involves former Dogs). Heck, when I was back home I couldn't work up enough energy to make it to a Saints practice (partly because I'm too cheap to pay for parking). I do have the Broncos "Inside Training Camp" Tivo'd right now, though. But that's different. I was a bit surprised this morning to find the sports-centered internet seemingly buzzing with MNF talk. Most of it seemed to give little regard to the "game" between the Vikings and soon-to-be irrelevant Raiders (although I am eagerly awaiting the Aaron Brooks vs. Randy Moss drama set to play out this fall). Most of the talk seemed to center around new booth talent Tony Kornheiser. I've been a fan of PTI from day 1, and his radio show made my long mid-morning drive to work tolerable a few years ago. Depending on who you believe, he either did a good job, or bombed completely. Dennis Miller comparisons? Already? Really? Finally, when I moved to this neck of the woods, I was sort of forced to keep up with the Titans to a certain extent (but the Bengals now seem to be making inroads with the local bandwagon), anyway, they are on thin ice with me now. First, there was all the Pacman Jones shenanigans, then they cut Steve McNair, and now their mascot hits the Saints (my childhood team of local interest) backup QB with a golf cart!

Friday News/Chemistry Blogging

With all of the recent headlines about the threats, here are some link-worthy stories from around the web. If the liquid could be explosive, why are you dumping it in a crowd? Or more specifically: If mixing it will cause the reaction, why are you combining the liquids into a common receptacle? They had a lot more on this yesterday, apparently (you know, when it was happening). The Consumerist has some interesting suggestions for the airlines. Plus this picture of an intrepid traveller making the best of his situation.

The folks at Sierra Mist saw this coming from a mile away.
As for the science-y stuff, Scientific American has more links for you, as well as at Scienceblogs. And there's also this.

Broncos! Offseason! News!

Since this blog was started in the football offseason, I haven't had much to write about my NFL team of choice, but with the season upcoming, maybe that will change. Here goes. It's a good thing they didn't go and do anything crazy in training camp like name an undrafted free agent as starting running back or anything...wait, what? Hopefully they'll continue the trend of anyone with legs being able to gain yards in the system. And besides, if Jason Elam (the kicker, people!!!) is any indication, tough is their middle name.

Another reminder that "fan" is an abbreviation for "fanatic"

And more proof that many fans in the good old SEC could really use another hobby or two. Or a few more sociology credits. First up, a rant from a parenting blog in Atlanta about how much of a jerk her husband is at UGA games. That's right. A whole six Saturdays in the fall are ruined for her. The whiny complaints are entertaining enough in their own rights, but the comments are where this really shines. It's full of the well crafted insight you would expect (GO FIX ME A SANDWICH) that I suspect really come via horribly whipped guys hiding behing that good old online anonymity. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Next up, comes a real gem. Lets say you've decorated your baby's room with paraphanalia of your favorite team. In this case, it's the Kentucky Wildcats. No biggie, I'm pretty sure a few of my friends spent some of their formative years in things like this. Okay, so the enormous, pouncing, ready-to-maul Wildcat painting over the crib may be a bit much. Anyway, where would you go for creative input on this hard work? A blog dedicated to apartment design chock full of opinionated, judgemental New Yorkers? Of course! The comments go south, where the forecast calls for glib with flashes of snark, quickly. Seriously. If an alien asked me for an explanation of vitriol, I'd go here. Wade through enough of them and you can catch the mom-to-be telling everyone they can just die for all she cares.

A Dating Nightmare

I've had my share of bad dates. They've been derailed by things including (but certainly not limited to) bad Mexican food, ill-chosen movies, "unexpected family emergencies" and crazy white-trash exes. Most folks chalk such things up to experience and move on. But not one intrepid single from New York. His J-date (sort of a Jewish match.com) arranged meeting didn't go as planned, so he decides to stick the girl with half of the bill. Kudos for not being afraid to brazenly embrace stereotypes. It would be like me making 'shine and dating a cousin (which is absurd, distilling is too dangerous and time-consuming for me). But I digress: then he goes all crazy. The resulting story (with audio!) is at PR Differently. Mmmm. That's good crazy.

Visually Impaired Refs, Online Jerks, and Undereducated Slackers

Recently, the Big Ten decided to fire a referee after learning he lost an eye years ago in an accident and didn't bother to tell them about it. Word on the street is that Michigan's coach dimed him out after learning about his handicapability. Early reports also have him being promoted to the head of officiating for the SEC...wait...turns out that having 50% of his vision makes him overqualified for the position.
Speaking of random acts of online douchebaggery, a report out of the UK (England, not the University of Kentucky, you have to specify around here) wonders why being online turns so many of us (and by that I mean YOU) into "raving arseholes". From what I can deduce, he blames our (dammit, YOUR) nastiness on a healthy dose of the sauce and a desire to be journalists. Which isn't even applicable in my case: I was only going to switch to journalism if I failed out of biology.
And speaking of failing out, the latest gossip in the SEC offseason involves revelations of lax coursework for athletes (shocked, shocked I tell you) at Auburn. As reported by the...New York Times??? and gone over in detail from your #1 source for all things SEC, EDSBS. For those inclined to delve into such matters, the comments section degrade quickly into two camps: the Auburn fans "All is well, REMAIN CALM!!!, Everybody else does it, It's a Bama conspiracy" and everybody else. And now fans of other leagues are piling on.

Big Easy: Back to Normal?

Seems that Magazine Street is being terrorized by a gang of kleptomaniac transvestites. The article is chock full of quotables.

Bonga heard people screaming inside Vegas, then saw a blur of cheap wigs and masculine legs in designer shoes streak past her door.

This reminds me of an encounter several friends and I had in the Clover Grill at 3AM, but that story can wait for another time. Oh, and if you stumbled to this site after googling any combinations of the terms "transvestite keptomaniac gang" you will probably be disappointed.

Weekend Recreation

So, last weekend I took in a concert and left the camera at home. Fortunately in the information age, you can just leave the picture taking to people who had better seats (and are better photographers, too). Observe

Like I said, better seats. This guy, too.
See what I mean.
Well, upon further review it seems I lack the tech-saavy to cut and paste pictures into a damn blog. Hopefully the links work. Like someone other than me will read this.

Developing Developer Developments

Sooo, it seems that some enterprising fellas who planned to build a huge complex west of Waveland (i.e. middle of nowhere) might have some shady dealings in the past. I've stayed away from any kind of post-Katrina analyses for tons of reasons. I'm just wondering, since a recent story about shady bastards bilking the government out of money has garnished attention in the past, and illicited the expected responses, will the same outraged parties be as pissed at the stuff like this going on?

Weekend Rugby Insanity

From the "It was bound to happen eventually" file, cops in Russia mistook a rugby match for a all-out brawl. Good to see that some things transcend cultures

The fact that police took us to be hooligans, this isn't the first time

And what's up with the All-Blacks recently? First the purse fight, and now some lager-fueled maniac "streaked" at the New Zeland/Ireland game.

Oooh, it's a lady.

Catchy Titles are Overrated

So, some random links. First, ever read a news story so slim on any relevant information or valid points that you feel like you know less after reading it than before? Here is such a surface-skimming waste of electrons article. I'm calling B.S. on this from a strictly professional level, too. Illinois is generally well-respected in the fields of science and engineering, how did something portrayed as something on the level of a Junior High science project get publicity?
On a random note, ever see one of those Chinese/Kanji tatoos and thought "now how the hell does princess here have any clue what that says" well intrepid skeptic, here's the site for you.

Monday Mountaineering Madness and Infant Indoctrination

Ah, the lure of the mountains. The views, the air, the rich, competitive, selfish snobs who can afford it. Yep, here's the story of the guy who was left for dead while a crew went past him, and apparently another guy died the previous week during a solo climb. If only there was an appropriate Biblical metaphor to use. In the thin air, nobody will remember what dicks you were. Alternate title: leave any altruistic impulses and conscience at base camp, they'll only weigh you down.
For something for the batshit crazy college sports fan who has everything plus a youngun', there is this handy line of DVD's to brainwash your kid. Too busy/ lazy/ ill-informed/ borderline illiterate to fully explain your love of a school you might have actually attended a class at to junior? You're in luck. No word if the Kentucky tape has primers on how to overreact to each basketball loss or if the LSU one talks about how early to start drinking.

If it's too loud, you're too old

From Florida (it's like the Sam's Club of crazy) we have the story of the girl who got arrested for having her music too loud. Then the cops get midevil on her ass down at the station. Here's the video. Did I mention her dad is a State's Attorney. Looks like these guys better update their resumes.
On a totally unrelated note, a great time killer can be found here. Tons of statistics compliled about all the states. It's pretty fun, unless you're...oh, let's say a native Mississippian living in Kentucky, then it's just grim.

Boredom, lists and purse fights!

So, just another weekend with a dead Tivo, a high-speed connection on the fritz and nothing to do but read or get physical activity. The horror...the horror. Anyways, in the news this week have been two lists of dubious believability. First, we have the National Review's list of the Top 50 conservative songs where you'll find such staunch right-wingers as The Offspring, The Clash, The Sex Pistols...Zep...Beatles...David Bowie...wow, anyway, search around long enough and you'll find people wondering just WHAT exactly were the criterion for some of these songs. As a huge fan of irony, I'll go with it. Especially their #1. Won't get fooled again, indeed. YYYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (see The Kids are Allright). Normally, I leave such things that meander into the realm of partisan hackery to the "experts" found in the links (not that I have reason to be nervous or anything) but a rebuttal can be found here. I'll also link to the top 10 Worst Songs of the 80's. They could have gone with 180 worst songs and still only scratched the surface of crap from then.
Also note-worthy is Bravo's list of the 100 Funniest movies (scroll down to post 5). Where to begin. Keep in mind that apparently funny movies didn't exist before 1970. The Marx Bros., Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, et. al did not make funny movies. Now that that fact has been established, prepare yourself for such feats like Legally Blonde and Police Academy BOTH being on a "Best of" list!!! More analysis here. And where in the HELL is Army of Darkness? Oh Brother, Where art Thou? I could go on for a while. For another, more old-school list compiled by Film Institute-types, go here. Here's another list of the movie couples sure to end badly. For the most part the list is pretty good (with the exception of the unabashed Say Anything and 16 Candles hatin') since I thought Pretty Woman was rediculous and When Harry Met Sally pisses me off on a certain level. Issues. I know.
And finally, your "This week in debauchery" report comes from the land of the long white cloud. How do you make a rugby fight entertaining? Have one guy get slap-happy with a purse. And these aren't just scrubs, they're both on the All Blacks. Fortunately, I have no experience with violence in the wee hours of the AM following a match.
And just for fun, apparently the Communications director of Governor Fletcher dropped the F Bomb last week. My tax dollars at work. Stay classy, Frankfort.

This Week in Debauchery

or, ways to avoid pondering the monumental collapse of your baseball team.
First off, there's the house that cops found stuffed with 70,000 Coors Light cans. Since it was in Utah, there's a good chance it was all 3.2 beer. But still, damn.
Also beer related, Anheuser-Busch is buying out Rolling Rock. No word on if it will still taste like stale cramed corn.
Then, there's this story about artificially-sweetened booze getting you takned faster. This is the sort of research they can do in Australia.
In other down-under news, I am officially putting the term "hopped-up like a coked-out Wallaby" into my supply of incomprehensible analogies.
And speaking of the Peruvian marching dust, a FSU signee (shocking!) got cought with a stash of blow...in the crack of his ass.
Budapest monkeys drink red wine to increase their red blood cells, unlike myself who drinks it to enjoy the aromas of herbs, cherry, and smoke. Oh, and to make me charming and hilarious.
And finally, a college student spent $2500 on his roomates' debit card for phone sex. The school...Pillsbury Bible College. HEEHEE!!!

Weekend nothingness

So, while trying to ignore any real news stories out there (because, let's face it, they're depressing) and attempting to avoid "other" "news" no matter how futile such an escape from crap may be. Here's some random stuff for the few people who ever visit here. Basically I'm typing myself a list of a bunch of links I've already seen. Or, you could just keep yourself up at night pondering lawmakers' priorities.
First, enjoy the story of the Corporate thinktank (I guess) which put out a video portraying the positive aspects of carbon dioxide that the hippie-fied bedwetting leftist elite media DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW!!! They didn't even mention what it does for the carbonation industry. In the interest of disclosure, the institute in question may or may not be sponsored by some businesses that might employ people that I can neither confirm nor deny are my friends. There's analysis here, here, and here and as always comments that exemplify the high standards of discourse that we have come to expect from the internet.
Or, you could just read up on your run of the mill "Going for it on fourth down as economic theorem" paper (I guess that's what it was about). Or, delve into how emotions can affect how we remember events (finally, it's paying off to be pessimistic). And finally, be sure to hoard provisions for the upcoming apocalypse. Not from the bird flu (especially now that you can make your own Tamiflu), but from the L.A. Clippers sudden rise to prominance.

Random time-killers

Because it beats the hell out of real news.
First, some YouTube gems. There's the Arkansas catcher who is apparently a drama major. The post-strike out hissy fit is a nice touch. "I was merely... acTING!!!"

Then, there's this Pepsi commercial promoting (I guess) the Wolrd Cup. This is the music they play in the dentists' office in Hell. Like one of my friends said during the Super Bowl "sometimes they just try way too hard." Case in point.

The look on Ronaldino's face says "where's my check, already"
And if that isn't enough, it's haze-a-palooza at BadJocks. With a special hate mail page! What I never understood from back when I was fraternity president, when people get nailed doing this sort of thing, their main complaint is never that they were stupid enough to take pictures of the event, or put them online, it's that someone with an axe to grind is out to get them. Anyway, the pics have an expiration date on them, so look quick.
Finally, if the snails are tearing up your garden, do what this enterprising fella did and deal with them in the tastiest way possible.

The Juice is back.

World Chumps: A Derby Sure to Be a Cut Above the Rest Hey, apparently, OJ will be in attendance again this year.
And another story about it to read while looking at last year's pic of the Juice's back.

Derby 131: A look back

Since it's that time of the year again, a springtime treat for the nearly tens of people each week that stumble here: a look back to my trip to last year's Kentucky Derby. So pour yourself a julep, make a batch of hot browns (do NOT look at the nutritional info), and read the following by Faulkner and Thompson and check out this excellent writeup about why you should go to get yourself in the mood. Take in the view of the famous spires.

And gaze at the throng of humanity gathered before you.

Contrary to the high-falootin' society-type folk who have "real seats", here you don't need a fancy haircut or hat

But (ladies) you might want to hit the gym. Just in case this guy is around.

On my way to find some food, I encountered this classy scene. It's been cleaned up a little just in case. Giggidy. Yes, girls do stuff for beads here, too. As a reveler at my share of Mardi Gras, I know that the longer the group idles around waiting for the action, the more likely someone is to get rolled.

Yes, the guy who was the brains behind the scene before you in the orange is getting pickpocketed.
Speaking of beads and photos of questionable work appropriateness, the dude in this picture and his buddies were trying for a while to get girls to "earn" their beads with no success. At all. Finally there was a taker. Since she claimed to be a kindergarden teacher, her identity is concealed. Among other things.

The look on the guys face sums it up.
Remember, you're here for a horse race. Actually, there are ten that day.

Speaking of racing; remember, when it comes to drinking, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Crash and burn too early, and your friends will be forced to shame you. When they found a Sharpie and a bag of ice, things got really ugly. Hilariously ugly.

Yes, that is a discarded bra in the lower left corner of that pic. No, you can't see the pics of why it ended up there.
Now, for the big race, the actual KY Derby, when the shadows start to get long, people know it's starting to get serious. Decent spots to see the track are at a premium. When a real seat or someone's shoulders are just not an option, look for the port-a-jons. They can hold an amazing amount of people up top.

Again, the amazing assortment of adult beverages here can overwhelm the newbies. Go too far and you might have a faux paus right before the main event. If such an event happens, at least make sure you have a friend around to videotape your technicolor yawn. Or some random jackass could photograph it and put it on his blog.

Because, after all, you're here for a horse race.

A mainstay of the Kentucky Derby is celebrities. Last year was no different. While waliking back to the bus to the fairgrounds, I ran into none other than O.J. Simpson. This is the back of his head.

Trust me, when you're packed into a crowd like that, and you see a celeb coming towards you, by the time you think, "holy crap, it's The Juice...I should take a picture...my camera is in its' case...in my pocket..." all you'll end up with is the back of his head, too.
And remember, if you don't lug the keg back (even if it is an uphil trek), you don't get your deposit back.

Anyways, that was my day at the Kentucky Derby. If you're going, it's $40 and they frisk you for booze when you go in. I hope you've had as much fun as I did. If you didn't, why not?

Draft Overkill

This rant is aimed at a certain unnamed sports channel. Perhaps a worlwide leader. Who doesn't carry many truly international events. But I digress. The people whose Rose Bowl coverage almost made this Southern boy denounce college football is now making me despise the NFL. Okay, just the draft. I get it, there's no other sports on, certainly not playoffs in 50% of the pro sports leagues to devote hours and hours of droning speculation to. I've never cared about the NFL draft. The draft coverage attracts two types of fans: helpless fantasy nerds and insufferable fans of crappy teams. Oh, and it also gives Jets fans something to boo during the offseason. I might check online Sunday morning who the Broncos got and if Jerious Norwood got drafted. And that'll be it. Like it should be with normal people (notice I didn't say people with a life, for a reason). And it's not just me who thinks it, out there in the far reaches of the interweb, another scientist/rugger with a blog agrees with me.

Congrats to the Sun-Herald

Well, it seems that the newspaper from one of my many hometowns has gone and won itself a Pulitzer Prize for Public Service, which it's sharing with the Times-Picayune. Considering the readership of the other papers in the lists of winners, I think it's quite an accomplishment. There's more story here. This sums it up nicely

The Sun Herald won for its "valorous and comprehensive coverage ... providing a lifeline for devastated readers"

and hopefully the next one they win will be for entirely different reasons.

Easter candy turducken

Because nothing goes with a religious holiday like a treat that can induce a diabetic coma and should come with a dentist's phone #. In the spirit of the original, I present you the chocolate bunny/ marshmallow Peep/ Cadbury egg "turducken" courtesy of the culinary masterminds at Asteroid.
Even the picture makes my molars ache.

Road Trip!!!

Well, it seems that the Auburn Hooters was suggested to start dishing out specials that weren't on the menu. Just to confuse, the acutal lawsuit involves a dude suing for sexual harrasment. And here I thought the waitresses were just teases out for extra tips. The "pep talk" came courtesy of a representative from corporate hq! Looks like I frequented the wrong loacations.

Feds pinch Methodist ninja!

A sad day for shady owners of black sweatsuits everywhere. So here's the rundown (no pun intended, but yet still implied): Kid dressed as a Ninja at UGA is coming back from a Wesley Foundation party with a Pirate vs. Ninja theme (which is an aspect of Holy Week I was unaware of until now) and the ATF agents on campus (?!) take him down. And proceed to use his neck as a kneeler. There's more here. With the best comment

when ninja costumes are outlawed, only outlaws will have ninja costumes.

But, as is often the case with Real Ultimate Power, this is not yet over...

Inadvertantly pretentious movie news

And for those of us out there who like to long for some long-lost time known as "the good-old days", here's a little realism to bring us back down to earth. Namely: what is popular and what is considered good over the long haul are seldom the same thing. Take that into account when mashing preset buttons on your stereo or rolling your eyes at the movie listings. And embrace the smug. Hell, even the story only gets 2.5 stars from the readers.

MySpace + reverse Lolita teacher = Jail

Yep, you knew it was bound to happen. The teacher who slept with her student (no, not the one in Washington, no not the "manic-depressive" media-blaming one from Florida) is back in the news. And back in jail. I suppose this will give the "White girls in peril" cable news folks something else to talk about for a day or so. I'm sure they already have a "Hot teahcer did what...again" graphic ready. Good thing there's nothing else going on in the world for them to talk about.

So That's the Problem!

Well, according to this helpful post, and also this one I'm pretty much doing it all wrong here. So to the literally dozens of people who stumble across this amalgam of rambling nothingness...oh well. Plus, if this is any indication (and we've all seen it happen), we're not missing out on much.

Science! Controversy!

Wow. Nothing says online smack-fest like this story. An ecologist may have suggested the earth would be better off with less of us around. A lot less. 90% less. Of course, an actual transcript of said speech seems to be impossible to track down, and that's where the fun begins. This story courtesy of the Society of Amateur Scientists with some editorial comments here (bonus points for Manson and Hitler analogies) and it seems to have ignited the folks at Hit and Run (their headline sums it up). Of course, the comments are fun to delve into. The Bioethics Blog took the story up, too. Finally, the sciencey-politicy Panda's Thumb suggests it might be some sort of conspiracy.

Great Day to be a Dawg

In pulling a one-two combo of on the field and off the field screw-ups, my alma mater has proven that of all the Charlie Browns in the SEC, they're the Charlie Brownest. First, the #1 baseball team in the land drops 2 out of 3 in freakin' Tuscaloosa, and then as the sprinkes on the icing of the bitter, bitter cake that is MSU sports, some football players beat up an off-duty cop in a ratio usually reserved for fraternity beat downs. I am allegedly surprised and reportedly disappointed.
Local News...
Regional News (uh oh)..
NATIONAL NEWS!
All the outlets that picked it up from the wire!!! Just freakin' great.
Yes, it is a fine day to be an alum of North-Central Mississippi's finest land-grant institution.

It's on the Internet, So You KNOW it's True.

Some fun with personality test stuff.

And I blame this on my fondness for violent video games. Optimists can still see me as 44% good if they want.

You Are 56% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

Sience-y Stuff

Stumbled on this story from the L.A. Times today, concerning TCE (which I have a little experience with) and the controversy concerning its carcinogenicity. Is this another example of politics pitted against science? Judge for yourself. Since I probably can't. I just wonder if any of those in the "no big deal" camp live downstream from any plumes.

More Mediocre Madness

So, if you're like me, you've shredded your bracket by now. A few of my upsets actually came through. Including Wichita State. Which grants me the opportunity to post this pic. Which reminds me, a few weeks back I had to explain what "that" was to my boss. That was an awkward day at work.

Texas Justice!

Uh oh. This could be trouble if the trend catches on nationwide (in TX, Austin and Deep Ellum are screwed!). Sounds like the spokesperson is from the WTCU instead of the ABC. So many quotables here, let's begin.

Being in a bar does not exempt one from the state laws against public drunkenness, Beck said.

So the inside of a bar still counts as public? How 'bout the inside of a bathroom? See where I'm headed? Because public intoxication and public urination normally travel as a couple. And technically, since a person's car can sometimes legally be considered an extension of his house, does the opposite apply? If you're tanked on the couch, are you as good as in your vehicle? Then there's this

There are a lot of dangerous and stupid things people do when they're intoxicated, other than get behind the wheel of a car," Beck said. "People walk out into traffic and get run over, people jump off of balconies trying to reach a swimming pool and miss.

So if they just get tanked at home, the urge to do such shenanigans will disappear (but the neighbors will begin to talk when the bottles pile up in the recycling bin). To quote a beer commerical, BRILLIANT! Personally I just like to eat Cheez-its and watch B-movies when sloshed, can this pre-emptive arrest help me, too?
There's more on this at Sploid (complete with a pic, too!)
Where's a bunch of fun-lovin' libertarians when you need them?

Bird Flu's First Victims- Cat People?

If so, my neck of the woods is screwed. And as always, sleep well.

Gettin' the Led Out

Doesn't every classic rock have some sort of Zeppelin block called that? Anyways, for everybody who's heard Muddy Waters "You Need Love" or Howlin' Wolf's "Killin' Floor" (or most other Willie-Dixon penned classics) or Sonny Boy Williamson II's "Bring it On Home" and thought, Hey, that sounds familiar, and/or burned a CD of such covers, then this link is for you. From the blues greats, to obscure British folkies, to their "pop" contemporaries, all played a role. Be sure to check out the "colorful" original Rolling Stone album reviews. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I still think Zep rocks.

More Science!

From the folks at the MIT Technology Review comes this story of bioengineered pathogens. It's a long read and can be disconcerting. Any fans of Richard Preston's latest work (pants-wettinly scary, but highly recommended) will probably recognize some of the names here. See there, you've fogotten all about hoarding canned goods for the bird flu outbreak already.

How to own your office bracket

It's pretty simple actually, you will need the following:
A bracket, an RPI site, an abacus and/or TI-82, an Aztec calendar, a copy of "The Art of War" and a bottle of Jameson (and maybe an expert opinion or two). Remember, it's not about how much you know, it's about how much more you don't know. Think too much and you might as well just throw your $5 away on something frivolous like food. It helps if you have no emotional attatchment and any of that pesky "I've been watching X team for Y number of years" mindest holding you back to any of the teams, so I'm in luck this year. First rounds, here we go. Keep in mind, 9 seeds over 8's hardly counts as an upset. This is when working with UK homers will pay off (hopefully). So look for good mismatches from the RPI standpoint and take 'em. Also, 10's over 7's is child's play (well, at least in NCSU's and UNI's cases). Can I pick Alabama and sleep well at night or do I pick them and secretly hope they lose, still screwing me? That's where the Jameson comes in. Same goes for 11's over 6's. Stick with the highest RPI'd 11's and take at least one. A few are no-brainers. Then, there's the ever-so-popular 12-5 matchup. It happens EVERY YEAR. And at least one 12 usually makes it to the Sweet 16. Again, take the least lopsided matchup or top rated #12 and go for broke. This brings us to the most intriguing of the predictable upsets: Kansas going out early. This year they play Bradley in the first round, and by the RPI #'s, it's not that bad. Flip a coin, more Jameson, just don't put too much thought or reasoning in it, because it just doesn't matter in the tourney. This could set up a problematic second round matchup if neither long shot pays off, but don't sweat it. The second round should be slightly less crazy. Now is when the late-season trends can pan out. Think Tennessee is way overseeded? Think Gonzaga is an overhyped media darling? Still amazed how Texas gets to play its first rounds in their home state (at least this time it has the veneer of being earned) Ditch 'em in the Sweet 16/Elite 8 rounds. As for the later rounds, historically the Big 12 and SEC have a history of going down early (my alma mater is a prime example). Just something to keep in mind. In the late rounds, stick with the big boys. Also remember that the Final Four is never all of the #1 seeds. Other than that, you're on your own. And just remember that the secretary that bases her pics on which mascot could win in a fight will probably win it all, anyways.