The Post-Mortem

This is me not complaining.
I don't have anything to say, really. We all knew it would be bad, but come on.

More Pregame Seething Bitterness

Or: No Fear of the Underdog Edition.

After the inevitable thrashing, I will not bitch any about the outcome. This game is absolutely no way to gage how the season will go (okay, so ONE of them is kinda in the national title hunt). It’s the first one. You wouldn’t want to base all of your more…intimate relations going strictly by the first one. I mean you think you’re going along pretty well, and then the next thing you know, it’s 11:45 and you’re at some truck stop on Hwy. 49 wondering if Resolve will discolor suede and whatever the hell prom dresses are made out of. But I digress. Cases in point, since 1991, LSU has lost to State exactly twice. In 1991 and again in 1999. In that seems-like-forever-ago era from 1997-2000 when State had the Western Division’s best overall record LSU won 3 out of the four games with the overall score being 126-70. The 1998 MSU team that won the SEC West? Lost to LSU (finished 4-7) 41-6. So historically, sure, we’re kinda due, averaging a win every eight years. Keep in mind that some of those LSU teams were pretty bad. Curley freaking Hallman beat them 3 out of 4 times. Gerry DiNardo lost to State once (barely, but it still counts) and got canned a month later.


Awww. Cheer up guys, there's one surefire slumpbuster on that schedule.






So an LSU team that's favored to win the SEC West against the team that...probably...won't? It could be brutal. Good thing the game isn't featured as the beginning of the kickoff...weekend...for...football...DAMMIT, now everyone will watch.the competitive first quarter. But hey, stranger things have happened. Technically there is a chance. And there was an eclipse yesterday. And past results do not guarantee future success (according to my broker). Tomorrow, sobriety pending, I might get around to cataloging the horrible events of heartbreak, booze and the occasional beatdown that surround this game for me.

LSU Week Begins: Red Stick Diaries

My last post might have implied that all LSU fans have never set foot in a classroom in Baton Rouge. That is not the case, LSU has a quite large, diverse student body. The rowdy student section is known for being a living nightmare for opposing fans and their own livers. Lively celebrations at football games, no matter how unconventional are welcome.













Keep in mind, that as drunk as they undoubtedly are, it's a wonder they're still standing. But hey, Baton Rouge is a place where you are free to be yourself and just let your freak flag fly.
















Uh, guys, that's not exactly what I had in mind, although it does count as freaks flying flags. I'm sure General Sherman would be proud. Still, you have to wonder what the students do in their spare time other than not study (no, not #1, we'll make fun of them another time, go to #8.) Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it's productive, and not just some raving bat-shit crazy antics of a stoned coonass.

Interesting way to start a turnaround season

So if you're a backup quarterback that had just slogged through a hideous scrimmage that featured tons of dropped passes, and was highlighted by such crappy special teams that the one guy they signed up just so SOMEBODY might be able to put a ball in the end zone for kickoffs breaks his damn foot, how do you cope? If you answered "go out and get yourself a DUI, spend an evening in the 'Johnny Cash Suite', and get suspended indefinitely" crack open a tall boy. Looks like I picked a hell of a week to stop sniffing glue. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a TiVo'ed preview special to watch (one drink for each time "improvement" is mentioned).

Your College Fooball Season Opener: Countdown to the Disappointment

and now, a jaunty little number to distract you.

Yes, in just two weeks, the college football season kicks off with my beloved Dawgs getting their annual thrashing at the hands of the LSU Tigers. Growing up, I had no real qualm with the LSU types. Hell, several of my family members went there. One great uncle even played for them back when they still wore leather helmets. He had some really neat stories about the game from way back in the day. Then, right about the time I started college, my family moved to the coast, and I got my typical college student thankless summer job at a hotel in Biloxi. This one, to be exact (the part under the displaced barge).

There, during the slow weekdays, our visitors were mostly tourist families from some exotic locale to the north or west passing through on their way to Florida, or the occasional bus full of elderly gamblers. But the weekends, we were packed full with cantankerous, drunk folk, primarily from points west. They were mainly either: total 'yats residing in Kenner or Marrero enjoying a weekend of nickel slots and free Crown and Coke, or full blown coonasses from Plaquemenes or Houma, enjoying their "two weeks off" portion of vacation. Both groups shared a love of hittin' 'da boats, enjoying 'da best seafood boo-fay, and harassing yours truly, the maintenance guy/pool boy. And all of them shared an undying love of the Louisiana State University. Never mind that the only college most of them had ever seen was the occasional course at Delgado or the semester at Nichols State, they were purple and gold to the core. The week that LSU was in the College World Series was especially fun (especially the guy with the ironic "Roll Tide" coozie: 'I look at my beer, think about the title game, take a drink...and laaaaaugh). And if they found out that yours truly attended Mississippi State? Then it was on Taunts, insults, the occasional thrown beer and threat of "beatin' 'yo worthless pool boy ass". Keep in mind, this was just before State's mysterious run at respectability in the late '90s. We sucked hind tit then (but not quite to the extent that we do now). It was at this point that I grew to despise LSU, and their Busch-swilling, bandwagon-jumping, "why dohn dey sell no likka' at 'da K&B heah" fans. Hey, that sort of crap builds character, I'm told. Anyways, the next two weeks I will examine the finer nuances of the fanbase, leading up to the inevitable skull-fucking that my alma mater will suffer on the 30th.
Exhibit one: skull tat guy. Be afraid. Be very afraid.














Next week, we'll get into the gruesome numbers over the recent domination, and include some personal stories of personal degradation and humiliation that have occurred as a result. Pull up a seat, stock up on bourbon, and enjoy.

Weekend boredom

The world's most popular sports team signed their newest player after seeing his YouTube video. He's nine. And now has a contract with Manchester United. When I first heard about this story, I thought it was from The Onion. I eagerly await Rhain's US arrival in 20+ years to kickstart American interest in soccer. Again. Hopefully, American teams will refrain from jumping on this youngster bandwagon before things get out of hand.
Also, Tom Brady and myself are just about the same age. He wins Super Bowls and is even known in non-sports circles for his ability to get top shelf tail. So yeah, our lives are pretty much identical.