Scene: Miami, Florida, athletic offices at Florida International University

Thomas: Wow, it's great to be back in the business. Let's get this show on the road!
Random FIU HR rep: Welcome aboard, Mr. Thomas. We've started most of your paperwork already, just a few more minor details to tend to. Here, this is a standard university sexual harassment test just to... (looks around), just kind of a CYA thing new hires have to do. Just get 70% right, and we can get on with things.

(Four hours and ten attempts later)

Head of FIU HR: NO, you STILL can't refer to female employees as "BITCH"
Thomas: Well, of course YOU can't, Poindexter McWhitebread. It's not an insult when I say it
Head of FIU HR: It's still an insult no matter who says it. And you filled in the blank on this question with the word "sunt"...what does that even mean?
(Random HR rep leans over and whispers in his bosses ear, who then turns pale and inconspicuously logs in to Monster.com on mobile phone)
Thomas: So when do I start? Can I meet that Ned fella? A proud Normandy vet like that should have a higher profile around here. And where's Schnellenberger's office?
Random HR rep: (sigh). That was a Farked picture from a regrettable incident. And coach Schnellenberger is at Florida Atlantic.
Thomas: Whoa, if I can't refer to bitches as bitches, why does he get to throw the F word out like that.
(University Attorney and Athletic Director enter the room. Thick file containing papers about prior lawsuits falls out of breifcase onto table)
University Attorney: Oh, crap. (scrambles for papers)...Uh, hey guys. Just got your message. What's up?
Athletic Director: We think any concerns about "character" are purely...(notes contents of files for first time) When exactly did this happen...well, I'm sure that, when explained fully...over time...I just (cough).
Head of FIU HR: I'm outta here. You deal with this blatant publicity stunt on your own.
Thomas: Yeah, there you go, you'll be throwing that word out there like Coach Knight used to in no time.
Athletic Director: Well, Mr. Thomas, apparently there's no way in hell we can actually pay you to coach...this year. So we've come up with another idea. Oh, and there's a Chris Mc..something-or-other from ESPN lined up for an interview already. Make us proud, coach!